I recently read that living is different from surviving. Many people spend their entire lives just struggling to stay alive, living in a miserable existence and even wanting to kill themselves in the process.So, what do you consider to be the reason for living? What do you do that gives your life some meaning, even for just a few moments, enough to make you forget your problems and question whether you should be here?
>>35055291Knowing that my existence is upsetting to others is what keeps me going.But in all seriousness though, the false hope that things get better. For me it's the simple beautiful moments of life that make it worthwhile: a good movie, a fun game, quiet morning....Nope. Sorry, haven't had any of those in a while...Maybe one day though
I mean realistically my main reason for not killing myself no matter how bad I feel, is that I do not want to saddle my loved ones with my loss. I am also aware that for the people closest to me, it would increase the risk they kill themselves too, that applies especially to family. That said, for me so many of the problems of life (guilt, despair/loneliness, self-loathing etc) are tied to our "persona", our character and our life narrative. Often it might seem like that is all there is. But we are also just living creatures capable of being consumed by beauty and humor. If you pay attention, a lot of the moments you are very happy is not when you feel good about yourself but when you forget yourself, when you lose yourself in something else. In music, in watching something endearing and moving to you, in blurting something out you never consciously thought of before suddenly saying it, in smelling a scent you cannot consciously recognize even, maybe, that transports you back to childhood or a specific feeling. Those to me are the moments that make life worthwhile. It is possible to live your life in a way that less focus goes to your "persona" and more focus goes to your lived experience. Meditation helps, but really anything you can describe as meditative helps (hiking, a calming repetitive hobby like needlework or gardening...).
I have my own group that covers a more niche, older game series that I hold meetups for. I try to cover the costs to the best of my ability to ease the barrier of entry. In doing this the main thing I want to get out of it is to be able to be of service to others and to provide support in any way that I can to people in an era of unprecedented isolation. That and I just want people to play said video game with.Beyond that however, I feel that in childhood you mainly are supposed to be recipient of a lot of things, and in adulthood you need to give. This doesn't necessarily mean you have to stop taking as an adult, nor does it strictly relate to parenthood, but I feel that the world was a lot better when children that grew up into adults either recognized or subconsciously stuck to this idea.In doing this, I've definitely quieted any intrusive thought that I may have had before all of this. There have been new struggles, mostly about identity and whether or not I am passionate about the community I've fostered, but I also take comfort in the fact that if I don't do what I am doing, no one else will. Not with the intent and care that I take, anyways.
>sex with chinese women with long black hair. Its listed first for a reason. It's like heroin. I haven't been able to stop yearning after it for 7+ years now>programming makes my mind feel good. Like Lego. >sk8boarding is difficult and rewarding. Seeing myself progress is great. >coffee provides easy euphorias>4chan for socializing and being silly to blow off steam. Really go insane
gachimuchi, gay niggas twerking, slavic tomboys, spiting my abusers
Right now, people that care about me.I know that my absence would hurt them deeply so for now I just brute force through my miserable existence until the day I can't take it anymore.Unfortunately I feel that this day is getting pretty close.
For me is difficult to say, because I have some days of an unexplainable sort of despair almost imposible to ignore or dismiss, and then I just grab my bike and just feel the wind and see the sun setting and just remember and see that life is good... but once I come back to my home and room that looming sense of despair and fear appears again and I cant shake it off so its just like trying to not drown on those deep sea waters.It all has to do with how I took very wrong desicions in my life in what is referent to love, and love of the others, I would say I was a very petty person with love in my life, and now I feel im paying that by feeling the desolation and misery of a life without love. My sense of hope is twisted too, because it is just a way of resisting the waves of fear an misery that come to me on a daily basis, I wish for a day I change.
