i dont really use this site very often, but i dont know where else i can say this. theres this girl, shes basically my only friend. shes not really my type but there are some things i find actractive about her. we've only started to talk more recetly and have been getting along well. shes fun to talk to and we have common interests. well we tried to have sex not long after we started talking a little more. it was supposed to be just an exange between friends, neither of us are virgins and shes been talking about how she hasnt gotten laid in a long time. so as any man would, i took the opportunity. i wasnt really into it but i just wanted to help her out. theres no good way to put this so im just going to say it; i couldnt get hard at all. she was bad at foreplay and i couldnt get into the mood at all. my porn addiction also didnt really help. i just wanted to give her some dick so she'd be happy, but maybe deep down i just wanted to get to her first. we've been hanging out every day even despite that. besically all day everyday. we cuddled a lot but that was it. but i sometimes cooked for her and always held her tight, i wanted her to feel safe next to me. she goes to raves about once a month, i dont really like that stuff so i never go with her. i dont even drink anymore because i get unstable. she said she doesnt want to drink either. she also does extasy on raves, i understood. my ex was an addict and i do xanax so it wasnt anything crazy to me. she went to a rave yesterday and i woke up to an "i got cracked". of course she thought i was going to be happy for here because thats my homegirl. im sure she wouldve been happy for me. we called and she gave me the rundown, but she was confused as to why im not happy for her. i know techincally i shouldnt be hurt, but i am. i dont know if i caught feelings. i dont like sex and i hate kissing, so its not like i wanted to do anything with her. i still do feel a little cheated. what do you think?
>>35052195There used to be a phrase for people like you: "dog in the manger". A manger is a feeding trough for animals, so the image is a manger full of hay, which the dog can't eat, but he is nonetheless growling and keeping the other animals (who can eat hay) away from their food. Anyway, your problem, I think, is that you're a fragile narcissist. You don't actually want this woman, but you still can't stand the thought that she thinks someone else is more desirable or attractive than you are; you can't stand the thought that another man might be better at having sex with her than you are. You feel like you're in competition with other men with other men and you're losing.That's not a very healthy way to look at it. But what's particularly a problem is that there's a risk she is going to get caught in the middle of this: you're going to end up sabotaging her chance to get with someone who actually likes her in order to satisfy your own ego. You mustn't let that happen. Pretend to be happy for her even if you aren't, and encourage her to find someone decent.
>>35052195Having sex with someone you're not attracted to never ends well.
>>35052195learn what a paragraph is.
>>35052532holy shit you might have actually hit the nail on the head. it doesnt feel nice but i think you're right.
>>35052930Mm. There are slightly less bad explanations: if she gets a boyfriend she'll start spending time with him, and thus less time with you, and if she's your only friend that probably means you're scared of being lonely. But even if that's the case, the advice is much the same: you mustn't sabotage her chance at happiness because you want to keep her as a friend.
>>35052799Another anon here. It's a good thing (and rare) that you're able to take on an unflattering piece of advice and admit that it may be on the money. You don't see that enough on /adv.Fwiw I agree with the advice you've been given so far
