I moved in to.a new country 2 years ago without knowing anyone. I had classmates/friends in my first year but after school ended, they all went separate ways. I was all alone and jobless as a foreigner for 6 months until I met my gf back in April.She cured my confidence and self-worth to the point that I was finally able to have a successful interview and land a good job. I will forever be thankful for that, even though all she did was talk to me.Fast forward 6 months and I am now on the verge of breaking up with her. Not that she has gotten worse, she is as sweet and caring towards me as she ever was. The problem is; deep inside, she is not my type. I love the time we spent together and a part of me doesn´t wanna lose her bc she changed me so much in the last 6 months. But I have noticed that I have started some old habits again out of frustration that she is not my type (I would never tell her that).She is way more in love with me than I am with her. We had a conversation about this that lead to tears and crying, but for a brief second I imagined my winter without her. It looked very bleak in my eyes and I was not ready to end it there. Now I am getting way more attention from women that are my type. But I am afraid that no one will love me like she did, never had a girl this committed to me before. But at the same time, I hate the fact that I see her as cute and sweet, and not as a hot fucking gf. Many people told me that looks are artificial in a relationship, its important to have someone. Others told me not to waste her time if I am in there just out of loneliness/thankfulness. IMO: If you are in a fulfilling relationship, u wouldn´t have to think this hard about it. I was dealing with the pros and cons of a breakup: probably a period of grievance where I have to forget all our happy times and her smile. But on the other side, I would get quicker to my character development arc. If I stay with her, I fear it is just going to prolong it.
Bump
That's basically what my thread is about >>35039143Worse part is, we are not together for 6 months but 2 years.
>>35052003I am guessing we are both fucked either way. If we stay, we will still get those cruel thoughts that we were unfair towards our own wishes... but if we leave, we might make the cruelest decision towards the person who loves us
I feel like there are some things you aren’t telling us, which is fine, but makes it difficult to give you any advice you can use.You know this woman and how you feel about her better than any of us. Though i will try. Do you find her attractive? There will always be a hotter girl. There will always be a girl “more your type”. And what happens when you find one? Will you leave her too when you find someone even better?The grass isn’t always greener, finding a woman that truly loves you is a rare thing. I would think carefully before ending things with her. If you find her attractive and she motivates you to be a better man then what’s the issue? What is it you’re not saying? I once had a woman that loved me more than I did her. I thought I could find someone better. I thought she limited me, though it was the complete opposite. I broke her heart into a million pieces. Oh and yes I did find someone “better”, she turned me into someone I didn’t recognize. Someone I never wanted to be. I’m sorry, this isn’t about me.Anyway, you are going to do what you want regardless of what we tell you. But this is someone you will have for life. Sparks die after awhile, the honeymoon phase ends. What remains is the bonds you’ve built together and that’s what keeps it going.
I also disagree about the if I was in a fulfilling relationship I wouldn’t have to think this hard thing. Relationships are hard. You do hear about the rare high school sweethearts who never struggled, but that is a rare case. Long term relationships take work, even my best relationships had ups and downs.
>>35051913Stop being a selfish prick, and break up with her. She's a good, decent person, and she deserves better than to waste her life being with a man who doesn't really want her. Every second she spends with you is a second she could have spent looking for someone who actually likes her. How much more of her life are you going to waste before you stop lying to her and do the right thing?
>>35052025Probably the thing that helps with context:There was no "moment" that sealed the deal for me, that made me think "ahh, this is not gonna work out."The sex has been lackluster, I admit. We are working on that but I know that I will have better sex with girls my type.Now we come to the hook: I was always hot but suffered under trauma in my childhood that never allowed me to see my full potential back home. Now, I am more confident than I ever was. And I want to use this confidence to hook up with as many girls my type as I want to. I know it will not satisfy, though.
>>35052049Well fuck man, I wrote all that for nothing then. Yeah, go fuck whores and sluts then. Leave the girl to find someone else. Maybe it’ll help you heal your deep seated trauma. Meaningless sex will surely be the best cure…
>>35052049>>35051913as a fellow foreigner in another c ountry who had a gf here then she cheated on me and now im alone and witnessed my immense downfall over the last couple yearslemme tell youdon't let go until you bagged something elseyou're a terrible person in either case so. take care of yourself first and gf second, that's what my ex did to me, that's what I'll do in the future too, never again will I let myself be alone ESPECIALLY in a foreign country. but fuck you though.
how old are you?if you are in your early 20s it's a good time to experiment. if you are older, you really have no time to think of what ifs and instead need to think of how you want your life to be in your 60s.you're also being vague on what her type is and what your type is. it's possible that your type may be the type of chicks that are best left for pumping and dumping and not making a life with, and that's a choice you have to make for your future.
>>35052158I am in my late 20s. And I don’t wanna get married soon. But losing her would be such bad karma.
Absolutely break up and stop thinking about karma or whatever astrological bullshit you're spewing.If you like her as a person just tell her the truth. If you stay, you're only going to build resentment for what could have been. This will leak out in microaggressions and because she loves you so much she'll stay. She'll shrink herself, try and change to make you happy, because she wants to be loved by you.Then you'll start to hate her for taking away the life you could have had. There might be an accidental pregnancy and you'll feel obligated to marry her - all the while secretly harboring that resentment that's only grown and grown.You'll start to blame her for your unhappiness. Start verbally abusing her - neglecting her basic needs for human warmth/kindness/intimacy. You'll think about the man you could have been, continuing to treat her more poorly. Finding ways to make yourself the victim and she's the perpetrator. Her crime? Loving you. When in reality your low self esteem problems aren't better, you actually hate yourself but you think on paper youre a great person who will have sex with all these gorgeous and exciting women - if only your gf/wife would just leave you.Then you decide to keep escalating abuses so she will leave you, and freeing you from the guilt of breaking up.Just tell her you dont want to hurt her, but you have to be honest with yourself and break up. Then you'll struggle finding this dream woman you've convinced yourself you're entitled to. You'll miss her.Maybe she would take you back, but hopefully not.
