First post here. I'm sorry if I screwed anything up.My thoughts are really scattered so I'm sorry if this doesn't make sense.I'm 23 and I've had chronic pain since January. Apparently, one of my internal organs was messed up. I got the organ removed and I was supposed to be better by now, but I've only gotten worse. All I can do is throw tylenol and advil at the problem. My surgeon says I was supposed to be better a long time ago. I started making new friends with the assumption I'd be better by now. I thought I'd be healthier by now for this phase of my friendships but I'm not.A month or two ago, I made a reddit post. The request was pretty much "Hey I have chronic pain. I could use some nice people in my life. If you're nice to me, I'll be nice to you." I made two really good connections. I play games with one person I met there almost everyday. I keep in regular, almost daily contact with both. We chat over discord, whether it's over voice or over text. The two friends don't know each other, so I'm keeping 2 separate friendships.Lately I've been deteriorating. I'm too sick to be a good friend and I'm just not giving them what they deserve. I can't voice chat regularly because my condition is getting worse. I'm getting imaging to see what's wrong and doing everything my surgeon is telling me to do to get better, but that obviously takes time. I'm having trouble keeping up with conversations, remembering facts about my friends, and showing enthusiasm because my head is so messed up from being in pain. When they ask me how I'm doing honestly, all I can say is that I've been getting worse. They check in on me and I get worried I'm killing the mood by being honest about how I am. I sent a message saying that I'm sorry and that I won't bother them and I'm wondering if I should just keep it like that for good. I can't help but think that I made a mistake making friends. I'm already autistic. Why did I think this was a good idea?
