Repairing almost ten years of porn damage to my brain.I've had a porn addiction for as long as I can remember. When I was very young I was exposed to extreme porn through unmoderated Internet access and eventually to erp and even more extreme fetishes when I began to browse omegle at a very young age (i never consumed any actual illegal content too be clear). This has always been kind of like a second life that didn't really register in my brain and ive become completely apathetic to what should be disgusting to me. Recently however something just snapped and I began to realise how disgusting it all really was and how I was never really into any of it and had just progressively exposed myself to it as a kid.I've decided to go cold turkey, I will never touch porn again no matter what, I dont even want to have a normal but active relationship to it I just want to stop it forever.Now I however have three main issues that I don't know how to handle:Wanting to repair my brain so I stop being so desensitised to all the disgusting stuff I was into.Wanting to understand how I can repair my self image as a normal person again without just thinking of how disgusting ive been to engage in this. Understanding how I can look the people in my life in the face without thinking of what a freak ive been.Finally I also want to stop being paranoid that this would all get out, like I mentioned I used to erp so someone out there technologically still has it all on logs even though it can't be linked back to me. However I also sent my real face when I used to sext with people (but only sfw normal selfies so nothing actually compromisng in any picture i ever sent).Also for reference im 22 now and this addiction has been very intense since 13, It was mostly just something I got kind of egged into by being online too young and also becuse it was almost some kind of self harm I felt too deal with my shit life otherwise.
>>35050140The first thing that I want to recommend to you is that you have to beat the conditions and actions that lead you to viewing porn. This could be outright cutting back on your computer usage, browsing different websites, or putting up blocks on multiple levels. From there you should consider why you got addicted in the first place. Are you otherwise fulfilling a desire for intimacy through it? Are you just bored and need a hobby outside of the house?>how I can repair my self image as a normal person again without just thinking of how disgusting ive been to engage in thisWell first of all, you are still leagues behind people that go to orgy/fetish parties, actively whore themselves on social media sites, have actual sex addictions (because that impacts more than you at that point) and people who injure themselves in perverse ways. Many men develop porn addictions and it's easier than ever. Once you understand this, you can also relax in knowing that it's really not a big deal if people find out about it and in fact telling a person or two that you trust can actually be pivotal in getting over it.You're 22 and you've got a whole lot of your 20s even to solve this one way or another, so don't feel like you are alone and that you've let yourself down by this. Go figure that people your age that experienced lockdowns may have developed something like this.
>>35051103Yeah I've deleted all accounts i used to use for stuff like erp, deleted any old porn I had saved and all that. I've also just solemnly sworn that I will never even enter the sites I used to browse which I belive i can hold based on the immense self disgust I have.>Well first of all, you are still leagues behind people that go to orgy/fetish parties, actively whore themselves on social media sites, have actual sex addictions (because that impacts more than you at that point) and people who injure themselves in perverse waysWell you're right that It was never irl stuff but like I mentioned i used to do erp and setting which did mean it involved other people, part of the reason it got so bad was because I was interacting with people who were into this stuff at a really young age and then stayed in those spaces getting worse and worse for a long time. So it wasn't just me alone, I was interacting with people online.>Many men develop porn addictions and it's easier than ever. Once you understand this, you can also relax in knowing that it's really not a big deal if people find out about it and in fact telling a person or two that you trust can actually be pivotal in getting over it.I feel like the shame doesn't come from having a porn addiction, infact I tried to confess this to my family when I was younger but they just laughed me of and told me it was normal. The shame comes from how the material I was consuming kept escalating into worse and worse shit, I realise now that it was more extreme novelty seeking than something I was fundamentally into but still it was really disgusting stuff.I also have that nagging paranoia that the old chat i had with people would somehow get out, especially the ones where I showed my face (although like I said it was just sfw selfies)
it seems you have to fix some other things in your life too that are enabling the porn thing. I think porn bad too though
>>35052093For sure i had a lot of fucked up shit in my life that partly caused me to use porn as a almost kind of self harm mechanism. I still have fucked up shit in my life but at this point id rather be addicted to cigarettes or alchol becuse the porn escalated into such sick stuff that I never want to touch it again.
