When I was in high school, I was in love with my best friend. She was aware on some level that I had feelings for her, but established pretty clearly that she wasn't interested in dating anyone during high school. I was fine with that, because I still got to spend time with her, make her laugh, have honest talks etc. I've always had some level of anxiety when it comes to physical intimacy anyway (some combination of autism and growing up in a religious environment), so not taking things any further suited me fine at the time. We were still able to express fun, healthy platonic love for one another. She genuinely thought I was funny and interesting, and she got along well with my family; my mother later said she was certain I was going to marry this girl someday.Of course, that didn't happen. Not too long after she graduated (she was a year ahead of me), she met some other guy who was able to make her laugh. Someone who was, frankly, more handsome and mentally healthy than me. Since I was still in my senior year of high school while she was out meeting new people, it meant she had plenty of time to cultivate a relationship with this new guy. They were dating within a couple months, engaged within a couple years, and married not long after.That was over a decade ago, and since I moved across the country, I haven't seen or even really interacted with her since. I don't think about her every single day, but the times when I do remember her (especially when she shows up in a dream), I get depressed in ways nothing else can inflict. (1/2)
>>35050084I think my inability to let go of her is subconsciously fucking me over. I haven't really earnestly sought a relationship with anyone else, which is certainly in part because the last time I loved someone, it ended with her immediately going for some other guy she hardly knew once she had the chance. After all, if I was best friends with her for all of high school, and she still didn't see me as a worthy partner, then who the fuck ever could?I'm frankly sick of it. I don't even think I really want a committed relationship, just the sexual and emotional validation that I've never been able to experience before. But there's a part of my mind that still, for whatever irrational reason, believes that some day, this woman will leave The Cooler Daniel and realize that it was me all along. I know that's not going to happen. I know I just need to move on. But I don't know how. I struggle with social anxiety and misanthropy as it is, so any efforts to meet new people haven't really panned out.I think what really rang alarm bells for me in my head was the intrusive thought/daydream of a scenario where I find out that she died. In this daydream, I would smile, laugh, and proclaim "I'm free!" I want to be free. I want to kill off the emotional hold this woman who probably barely thinks about me anymore still maintains on me.tl;dr I'm in my 30s and my inability to get over my high school crush is stunting my emotional maturity(2/2)
>>35050084>>35050087Bait larp
I watched a Ted talk that genuinely shifted my perception on these sorts of situations and I'd like to link it and share my thoughts:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k0GQSJrpVhMWatch this first and come back to this post.Based on your two posts, I think your best possible course of action is to go out and find just friends again first and foremost and hopefully some women who can be your friend as well. The thing about this is that you1) Have potentially someone that could be interested in you and that you'd be interested in2) Have a woman in your life who has other women as friends that you can meet as wellI was in this boat for a long time up until earlier this year where this happened. Now the person who I was head over heels for, I actually confessed to and she's not interested in dating either but we are still good friends and I have since then learned how to set boundaries in that relationship so that I don't start feeling that way again and more importantly so that I don't fulfill that need subconsciously and end up sad again. Not to mention that someone who I would consider my oneitis from long ago is someone that I don't even think about anymore. I moved on because I separated what my needs were from that specific person.I hope this is of some value to you assuming you're still monitoring your own thread.
>>35050084Your problem is that you're still afraid of it, you need to get full on obsessed to get it out of your system.
>>35050315Unfortunately yes it is
>>35051157I appreciate the genuine /adv/ice. I've given myself a million excuses as to why I can't go out there and meet new people, but a part of me is aware that I'm just taking inaction to avoid responsibility for my own baggage. The Ted Talk helped a little bit.If nothing else, ruminating on how this has affected me has given me at least some motivation to figure something out.
