>23 years old>had severe depression when i was younger, now have no friends irl or online and got dumped recently. only one family member to talk to>I would like to put myself out there again. Mostly dating but would be cool to make some friends along the way>I know people see "having no friends" as a red flag and are probably going to be cautious of me and think I was the problem in past circles which is why I have no friends now>I feel like an imposter trying to infiltrate normal humans and when people talk about their friends I would eventually be found out that once I go home I have nobody to talk to, even onlineWhat do?I've went over this in therapy for years, I had very little connections growing up, 4 of those we just naturally drifted apart, and the 2 I went out of my way to cut out of my life were genuinely harmful for me. I was partly the problem, getting involved in unhealthy codependent friendships where they forbid me from meeting other people and not speaking up or just leaving earlier, but I've been going to therapy and reflecting every day and growing out of these things and I don't want present day me to be punished for the connections I got into when I was 16-18 and before I even started therapy. I honestly think I might have some schizoid tendencies but I also really want to be in a relationship so I don't know.
>>35049888>I honestly think I might have some schizoid tendenciesTo add to this, I am not avoidant. If I had a partner to do things with, I would want to do as much as possible with them because things are much better when you do them with someone. Same if I had a friend, but to a lesser degree of course as you don't share a home/life goals with a friend. But, at the same time, while it's not ideal, I am also perfectly content with being alone right now and I'm completely apathetic to the thought of "making friends" (way more eager about the idea of finding a partner), so I have to force myself to socialize as I know that that is objectively healthy for me as humans need social connection. I've been this way since my mid teens and years of therapy and medication hasn't changed it one bit. It kind of scares me that there's something really wrong with me.
Sadly its actually easier to get pussy than get friends for me. I think its because it always just feels gay to try to pursue any kind of friendship with a dude. And its not like I have interests conducive to it. Besides just drinking or smoking weed I guess.
Bump>>35049898I can kinda relate, at least with my bottom line being I find it way easier to get into a relationship than it is to make male friends. I also don't see myself staying in this country for very long so I see no use in making too many friendships here.
