Two girls told me I look handsome this week (first time ever)I feel so weirdLike I don’t deserve itI have been walking around for 30 years thinking I’m the ugliest person in the room at any timeThe fact that even one person said it, and then another, in the same week I feel like I’m on the end of a bad prankI don’t get it, reallyIts driving me insane in factI don’t know how to process this, I know im ugly, I have a jaw deformity, I’m obese, heavy brow bone like a Neanderthal, big eyes, wonky nose, wonky eyesOnly different thing I did this week was get a wolf cut and shape my beard, moustache and eyebrows for a job interview, instead of having long messy hair and beard and unibrowThe first was at work a woman from a different department for some help and did a double take and said wow you look handsome todayIt gave me a little confidence so I uploaded different pics on hinge and actually got a matchShe said she liked my hair and that I look cute, I told her she’s lying and went all self pity and negative and she said no for real I think you’re handsome and that I’m overthinking and should try therapy because I’m really not bad lookingI’m still fat, still ugly, still have a jaw deformity etc so I don’t get it, I still don’t believe them but I just needed to post this somewhere since I’m a loner and have nobody to talk toIt’s weird I feel more depressed now than before, have I wasted the best 10 years of my life for no reason, are they just lying to me to make themselves feel good, am I actually lovable
