When I was a teenager my first sexual encounter was dubiously consensual and, after talking to seldom people about it, apparently a traumatic event - I didn't really think of it that way until recently but it makes sense. There's more to that story that spans a decade but the short version is that I've never been able to have sex because I genuinely feel like I'm in mortal danger. Turned 30 this year and honestly I don't think I should even bother dating anymore because it's just painful and exhausting. I don't have anything to offer other than myself, and I've never been able to just come clean about being a sex averse freak. I'm no longer at an age where's it's 'cute' to be a project - I'm a grown man that can't perform a basic human function when prompted and I don't want to waste anyone's time building up emotional investment just for me to disappoint. Hell I made a then-gf cry one time because I was shaking and couldn't get hard and she took that as me thinking she was ugly, and that *really* fucked me up - not to mention that she cheated on me later, but I guess I can't really blame her.When do you just give up? I'd love to have someone in my life but with the person I am, it genuinely feels like an impossibility.
Look we need more details. Were you gay raped or what? How did that initial sexual experience go down?
Bump. I can relate.
>>35042804I've got into therapy but you and I know how useful white women are about something like that. I should probably find a male therapist. Honestly though it just feels pointless. I'm past the window where I could've dealt with this and I'm just an internally disfigured freak that all anyone can do it pity, and I don't really want pity. I just want to be able to love and be loved like a normal person but at my age, I just don't see it happening. Although to be fair to myself, it probably wasn't going to happen in my 20s either, I'm not that much different.
>>35041107I am in a very similar boat. 29 years old, and genuinely uncomfortable with the idea of my sexuality. I had a traumatic experience at 17 that wasn't related to sex, but it left me pretty fucked up for a long time. Besides one awkward non-penetrative hookup with a chubby girl in college where I got at most 3/4 hard, I haven't done really anything sexual, and I still consider myself a virgin. I think the only option for us is to spend some time with a psychologist to work through what happened and try to get to a functional state where the past doesn't dictate the present.
>>35043782>I've got into therapy but you and I know how useful white women are about something like that. This is your problem here. Shows you have deep distrust of women. >I just want to be able to love and be loved Come out of the closet. Dick doesn't get hard for women, has deep distrust of womenGet a male lover and problem solved. Then you have someone you trust deeply and even if you're still having a hard time getting hard, who cares, he can pound your butt
>>35041107>Hell I made a then-gf cry one time because I was shaking and couldn't get hard and she took that as me thinking she was ugly, and that *really* fucked me upI was sexually abused as a child and had something pretty similar happen.It really astounded just not only how poorly people interact with men who have been sexually abused, but specifically women.My ex-girlfriend talked a lot about how she was a mental health advocate and men have feelings too, but the second I needed support and compassion it's like all of the trauma I have was mine to deal with by myself away from her on my own time for her never to see any of it.Yet everytime she was emotional or felt bad I had to comfort her and make her issues our issues to solve.I'm sorry for ranting in your thread OP, but I'm just so tired of being treated like a closeted faggot or emasculated freak.I just want to be treated like a human with the same patience and respect I can afford others
>>35041107>but I guess I can't really blame herStop hating yourself. The experience was the experience and I'm sure it hurt a lot. But the damage perpetuates because in response you develop these maladaptations that continue to hurt you today. I don't know how to solve the trauma response, a male therapist might help, but you also have to eliminate the self blame/self loathing and other complexes you've developed as a result.
I read all that and you didn't even say anything about the questionable sexcapades of your teenage years?
Fucking women talking eachother into having trauma. what a cancer it is. Women should not be allowed to communicate with eachother. They should be kicked out of schools at age 11 and then barred from any type of community other than their family
>>35043782>>35045666NTA but what's your guys' aversion to female therapists? Surely it's not just sexism right? I get that it's a unique and presumably rare problem to have for a male but surely if they're professionals it shouldn't make a difference.
>>35045666trips of doom
>>35047252Female therapists are fine, but it does make a difference. A woman's perspective on life and ability to relate to a man differs from a man's, even professionally. With an issue like sexual trauma, it's almost certain that the different life experiences of a man vs a woman would be relevant. A woman is probably not going to understand what sexual trauma is like as experienced by a man. She's definitely not going to personally understand what erectile dysfunction is like.>>35047258damn
>>35041107You need a therapist bro. It’s the only thing that will help.Sexual trauma is very common, this is a good thing for you because it means a lot of therapists are good at treating it.Women therapists are fine, but if you need a male, get a male.
