I was deathly afraid of people as a kid, which is why I taught myself how to trudge through life unnoticed. I learned to go outside only when foot traffic was at its lowest, how to step quietly, how to do everything that could be done online, and so on.With my 24th birthday coming up and my biological moid clock ticking, I've been doing a lot of introspection, and I've come to the conclusion that I've overdone it. My family has no idea whether I'm home or not. Whenever they look for me, they can't see me. I can be in the same room, sitting there or whatever, but it's like I'm not rendering in their vision. The same thing happens at work. Whenever my supervisor wants something from me, he tells one of my coworkers to relay the message, even when I'm standing right next to both of them. I can greet people, shake their hands, and look them in the eyes, only for them to turn to someone else in the group and ask where I am. I feel like part of the background. People forget that I exist at breakneck speed. I feel lonely. The only time I feel even remotely seen is when I chat with my irl buddy of six or seven years over the weekend on Discord or when we go grab something to eat once every 2-3months. Even then, nine times out of ten, the session devolves into one or both of us screen-sharing a game and making vague or nonsensical remarks about whatever is being displayed on the screen. I feel like my presence is some sort of cognitohazard that immediately caps everyone's consciousness at 50% and completely nullifies their short-term memory.How do I fix this? Apologies in advance for being ESL
>>35039213What you're describing is a lifelong, defining characteristic of (you), and i can tell you that changing yourself is about the hardest thing you can do in this universe.Some people kill themselves because they see it as easier than changing themselves.So here, I've given you the warning, I've done my due diligence, now i can give you the advice.I'm much like you. Avoidant, escaping responsibilities, escaping people, escaping life. I don't want to dramatisize it, because that would make me feel awful, so i was never one for self pity. This is in truth, probably another degree of avoidance, but this time in the framing of how i view my own actions or feelings.But I digress. You asked a question.How do i stop being invisible? How do i fix this?Well, first, I'll tell you. No problem. No matter how big or how small. Is solved in a vacuum. Maybe you can keep it up for a bit, but eventually you will relapse. or you will cease all progress. Or you will go deeper into the issue.This is why I'm recommending therapy. Not because i think that you don't know something on how to fix your situation, but because I know that they will help you by keeping you accountable, and hearing your progress.It's such a simple thing, but no matter how invisible you feel, you're a human, and you were born a human. You run on human software, therefore you respond to others. What this means is that the very simple, stupid, dumb act of having someone listen to you and ask you a question can give you enough motivation to do something fantastical.The therapist doesn't know more than you. The therapist is literally acting as a tool. A tool-person who listens to you and to your progress and to your problems. It's not even about the therapist. It's about hijacking a natural process that happens in your own head, Then when you're out there doing good things, in the back of your mind you think - I'm gonna tell this to my therapist. Even if you don't think about it.1/2
>>350392132/2I say all this, and last time I went to therapy, I ended up ghosting her because she was trash. Full disclosure. And I had to pay a couple hundred euros for not attending four or five sessions without officially canceling them. I never answered her. Nor did I answer my GP when she contacted my GP to ask me what's going on.So yes, therapists can also be trash.But I just know at this point that no one can help me except for a therapist, at a time when I decide to go again.This is why I'm recommending that to you. Because i have no family here, and the few friends I manage to make I end up ghosting. What I wanted was a girlfriend. I didn't get her, so I decided to give up on life. I'm 30 now.I feel like i contracted autism, because previously I had a girlfriend for five years and before her I had several other girlfriends. But the problem is I met them all on the internet. and then it transitioned to IRL. But Reddit is dead now. And I don't do discord anymore. And dating apps don't work. And going out for nearly a year didn't work.At this point, although I really want a girlfriend, I know that she won't fix me. Back then, I know that I could be just fine if I got another gf while i rode that high from when my ex cheated on me and i was still out there, active.But that boat has sailed and it's been over two years of being alone. and I've cultivated many fears since then.Now I literally need therapy to function.And I cannot possibly contain my advice to you, this amazing scope of your whole life - in a 4chan thread. So I'm not even going to try. This is why I gave you the seemingly general advice - therapy. But in truth, that's the way to do it. The therapist is the wind at your sails. You are the sailor. If you don't use the wind, it blows over. If you use the wind, you'll get somewhere. Just came up with this myself. I'm pretty proud of myself.Anyway, hope it helped broski
>>35039213Therapy doesn't help. It's a meme. You're dying this way. Good luck
>>35039213>24th birthdayanon... it's over... some of us are born like that
