Anon in his mid 30s, feeling very much at the halfway point between being a "young guy" and a middle age man at this point. I feel like I'm almost having an identity crisis over this since, almost naively, I've identified strongly as a "young man full of potential" for a good chunk of my life. A few years ago I finished my education (PhD in physics) at my top choice shools and started a company and have been running that for several years. At this point the grind is really settling in and even though we're growing, it's clear I'm close to maxing out my potential and the only thing left is to just lock in and make sure this generates millions for me in free and clear cash.I'm not exactly afraid of dying, in fact I can understand why ancient cultures were so obsessed with the idea of a heroic death - if we all have to go, might as well go out like a fucking legend, right? But the idea of just getting older and older and wasting away is frankly terrifying to me. I mostly Does having a family solve this? Currently single not living close to family, no prospect for a girlfriend. I thought I'd be satisfied with my career, but a man can only work so hard every day. Since my schedule is so irregular and has very long hours, I can't really schedule in too many regular social activities, and spend a lot of my spare time just drinking and consooming entertainment.
>Does having a family solve this?No. You're all individuals and will individually face death.>spend a lot of my spare time just drinking and consooming entertainment>I can't really schedule in too many regular social activitiesYou totally can>I can understand why ancient cultures were so obsessed with the idea of a heroic death - if we all have to go, might as well go out like a fucking legend, right? But the idea of just getting older and older and wasting away is frankly terrifyingWere you raised to be overly cautious? Consistently chasing the optimal route instead of high-risk-high-rewards?
>>35032880>Were you raised to be overly cautious? Consistently chasing the optimal route instead of high-risk-high-rewards?Yes and no. I didn't have a tiger mom or some engineer dad or anything, but they put a lot of pressure on me to perform. Conversely, I am chasing a petty high-risk-high-reward path right now. My family was broke growing up (and still kind of is), so it's not like there was a lot of tolerance to swallow the risk of a business. As it is we had a rough year and we're barely turning the corner now and I'm still not sure if I can make rent next month. If I had just gotten a job at a trading firm or Lockheed I'd have a much more secure but still high reward career.
>>35032719From experience, you sound burnt out.
>>35032719Mid 30s too. Work min wage job (that I actually enjoy)Don't have gf/wife/family. Don't even think I have any friends. Where do I even go from here? For the past month I feel like I've been near daily drinking
>>35032719>I'm not exactly afraid of dying, in fact I can understand why ancient cultures were so obsessed with the idea of a heroic death - if we all have to go, might as well go out like a fucking legend, right?Well, maybe that's the path you should choose.
>>35032719>halfway between "young guy" and a middle age man35 is middle age.
>>3503362935 is on the cusp of middle age, which is what I was implying. I just turned 34. There are some delulus out there that actually buy "40 is the new 30" and use being in your mid 40s as the beginning of middle aged, but to claim you're already in middle age by 30 or even 32 would be crazy work even for young zoom zooms and alphies.
>>35033504I don't have a particular wish to die right now or even in the near future, so I'm avoiding that as a choice for now. It is something I'm strongly considering by the time I reach 60 or so, which is when your body really starts to fail but you still have some strength and ability and are not totally useless yet.That said continuing my career path would give me exponentially more opportunity for "heroic" action, it's just hard to keep up the energy over literal decades especially as the world gets worse and worse in ways you couldn't predict and life throws more and more obstacles in the way.
>>35033077>For the past month I feel like I've been near daily drinkingThats not a good sign
>>35033756Bro i'm telling you, if you are not actively having violent fantasies since you were a kid, you are not built for massaging, you'd be like a randy stair or something getting like 2 people and then suicide
>>35034056>if you are not actively having violent fantasies since you were a kid, you are not built for massagingOh don't worry I got that covered, I've been caught violent misanthropic fugues from a very young age. It's why I got into weapons manufacturing. >>35034018OP here, I also drink heavily and near daily. My only motivation to stop is that between the natural bloat you get from ethanol overconsumption and my drink of choice being beer, I've gotten fat as fuck. I often wish there was a way to feel drunk without gaining weight or killing my health.
>>35034245What's the best bang for buck?I've been just drinking bourbon and mixing it with zero sugar cola.Is it worth switching to those white wine bottles that cost a few $
>>35035104>What's the best bang for buck?>I've been just drinking bourbon and mixing it with zero sugar cola.Yeah I've done something similar for a while, the cheapest Canadian whiskey or tequila I can find with soda water like LaCroix. Tequila when I'm trying to diet since something about the agave sugars makes them metabolize differently (or something, it's bro science). Lately though hard liquor has been affecting me differently, it gets me too riled up and for some reason my tolerance for it has skyrocketed - I can drink almost an entire bottle in a night and not pass out. These days I mostly just drink beer, which is bad because it gets you so fat but it actually relaxes me which is what I want from alcohol. Steel Reserve 211 pint six packs is usually what I go for, that'll get me nice and sleepy as opposed to raging and punching holes in my walls like hard liquor makes me do. If I have the money I'll go for the more fru-fru high ABV craft beers, like coffee chocolate stout or triple berry sour ale that's like 6-10% or shit like that.
>>35035143Yeah I feel 1/3 or half a bottle is barely getting me buzzed anymore :/ Like just enough to get music sounding better or feeling sleepy
>>35035171>Yeah I feel 1/3 or half a bottle is barely getting me buzzed anymore :/That's supposed to be our sign to slow down, but as you know it isn't that easy.Everyone says "you need to find something to replace drinking with" but that's not the issue. I'm not REPLACING anything with drinking, I use alcohol to deal with the shitty and boring nature of life as it is. I probably do have some kind of anxiety disorder, I had a rough childhood of poverty and physical abuse from my father so that probably affected me in some way, but I don't think there's really anything that's not chemical that can really relax or calm me down.
I'm in a similar position as you OP, almost 35 myself.I too thought of a relationship giving me purpose but I got this job with coworkers in their 40s with wives and kids and it's all complaining about nagging and dead beadrooms. I'm an incel so for sure whatever relationship I get into would be worse than what they describe.I think at the end of the day you make your peace with the monotony of life and take pleasures in whatever small hobbies you have.
Self bumpWhen it gets later into the night like this is when it's hardest to deal with. Thinking about what could have been, past failed relationships, how much time has passed, the fact that perception of time accelerates as you age. I'm not even necessarily looking for a purpose, just a way to cope now that I've finally accepted I'm not "young" anymore and am actually conscious of my aging and inevitable decrepitude and death. That's why my thoughts go to family, because I think that's what I'm "supposed" to be doing, and it would certainly distract me until my kids are grown.
I'll be 37 next month. I have $750K stocks, $300k+ retirement, and a $175K tech job that requires ~25 hours of my brain a week. Sadly no GF - I'll be single 10 years next March. I would like very much to have a family but meeting the right person is difficult. Not to overuse the NPC meme, but it feels like most people are jsut phoning it in while I've made very deliberate decisions and sacrifices to make my life how it is, and I'm in no hurry to potentially risk it all on the wrong woman.It sounds like you're nearly there to making your own bag, congratulations. Don't let neglect your health and fitness in the final stretch, and don't get greedy. $3 mil is prob enough to coast for the rest of your life, $6 mil doesn't appreciably move the needle. Be sure to make some time for yourself, and make time to visit your family and parents if you still have them. I think you're letting the grind get to you, find some way to distance yourself briefly and recall why you're doing it all.
>>35033504How to achieve Lanza like status in Australia? I want to let the world know how much I hate it but there are no guns here.
>>3503894830 here, smaller numbers than yours but clear plan to get like €1,5 million by the time I'm 40 and then retire. I've slowly started accepting the fact that I'll never be loved. If the "just chill and smoke weed all day long" lifestyle doesn't work for me then I'll kill myself because I'm getting really tired of lifelong depression. I started taking some Jewish pills and honestly putting the effort into Jewish shit like socializing, being outside, exercise, hobbies, etc. If it doesn't work by the time I'm 40 and my plan to retire doesn't fail then I'll become a recluse, then a drug addict, and then kms
>>35032719It's not fair guys, I feel like I never had the chance to live. I almost no friends to call on, no wife, and no job. I grew up believing I was too much of a loser to do anything cool, My college degree amounted to nothing, and then I spend 6 goddam years of my life in the military feeling lost as shit, now im here at fucking 30 with nowhere else to go.
>>35040705please don't actually kys anon, try to socialize and make friends, doesn't have to be with normies.
