I am approaching 30s and I am realizing I will never change. I understand now that the reason you need to do everything important in your 20s is because past that you will simply stop caring. I do not feel the urge anymore, but I still somehow grieve over myself.I will never become a writer, artist, I will never make my own game.I will never become an academic either, have a career, do something important for the world.Neither will I ever have plentiful sex with handsome men; or have a homestead farm birthing children every year to a man I actually respect and adore (in fact I simply cannot respect men at all)Neither will I ever be a beautiful egirl, popular streamer, onlyfans millionaire. Losing weight is entirely pointless when you are 30+, you being a hag will erase all benefits that slimness could possibly reap. It is really dawning on me that I am nobody. Absolutely fucking nobody. I am an NPC except even worse because I am mentally disabled. I'll just rot away...And there was nothing that could have went different because all that was in my power I did and it simply didn't work. I researched extensively different strategies to approach my executive dysfunction and social retardation and none of them changed anything at all. Magic pills dont even work on me anymore because my retard mother fed me with pills as solution to all my problems ever since I was 13 (both mental and physical because she has access to infinite prescriptions)
>>85847957Were you assigned vagina at birth or are you just gay
>>85847957Music to my ears to hear a fat foid in her 30s reaping what she sow LMAOMeanwhile men in their 30s are starting to enjoy their life, dating young girls, starting their careers. It's amazing. Karma exists.
>>85848194assigned vagina at birth sounds like it was inserted it into my body forcefully>>85848208I am not really reaping anything I sowed, what I did do in life did not have any results or consequences whatsoever. But for the large part I havent even done anything at all.>Karma exists.I actually feel like I am kinda completely free from karma. Because I just admitted defeat, I entrust myself to god and dont do anything in this bleak material world. Karma is actually just a law that actions have consequences, so if you do not act you do not produce karma. Sorry for being obnoxious I was brought up in a new age krishna sect(im white).
>>85848274Only sinners and evil people are reincarnated as women.
>>85848208I just wanna point that I am actually extremely privileged in socioeconomic sense, money literally just falls on me from the sky, and my parents own many properties in the capital and I have travelled to 20 different countries across the world.The problem is, my life does not need nor want my participation in it. There is nothing to do or aspire for. I have not leveraged my position in any way. I am a welfare pet without any agency, because I am literally unable to do anything on my own. Even despite the fact that they medicated me sent me to looney houses, to correction camps, I just still can't fucking do shit.
>>85848309>boo fucking hoo I have it too good :(((Kill yourself now.
>>85848309If you're already wealthy then why do you want to make video games or write or be an e girl?
>>85848286No, well at least not according to the dogma they have...There is an idea there that a man can be reincarnated as a woman as punishment but a woman can only be reincarnated as a woman. There are two aspect to it:1) Because the ultimate form of a soul is a gopi (a cowherder girl), they embody spiritual perfection and if you are devoted enough you will also return to goloka as gopi...and be krishnas eternal lover. So there is no point in women reincarnating as men, they have nothing to learn from male existence.2) On the other hand, female life is harder (an opinion based on india obv), so it teaches male sinners humility, submission and bhakti, all necessary qualities to fix a sinner.
>>85848324I want purpose and connection for my life, idk why its hard to grasp that meeting physical needs is not enough for fulfilling (aka happy) life. We are not animals that just need food, sleep and sex. All human societies have pondered over the meaning of their lives for a reason.
>>85848330>ultimate form of a soul [...] is a girlCuck ideology for women.Men are the only real human beings. Women are demons, that must be controlled by men, least they unleash chaos upon the world.
>>85848358Women cannot have meaning without a man over them. Women intrinsically seek to be dominated by what they perceive to be a superior male. All "boss queens" are miserable, what they present outwardly is not how they actually feel.Women are happiest when locked down by a dominant male, and there's nothing more to say about this.This is literally in every religious text, including those relating to your bullshit new age buddhism.Every philoshoper, every religion came to the same conclusion in the end. You're not smarter than thousands of years of philosophers and collective ancient knowledge, foid. To be a woman, is to serve.
>>85848358Forgot to say that really I just want agency. I am not wealthy myself, just taken care of. But agency is something I fundamentally lack and will never gain because I'm a tard.
>>85848417>>85848370You are not interesting or insightful by the way. I have read plenty of religious texts to come to my own conclusions. I kinda doubt that you specifically have even just read a bible in its whole...
>>85848420No woman has any real agency. That's not what any women are. Behind every popular/known/"great woman", there always stands an even greater Man in the shadows. There's no woman who achieved anything on their own, otherwise we'd see civilizations be built by women, which there never has been and never will be. Everything essential in a civilization (infrastructure, inventions, technology) is all made by men, spare some (irrelevant) exceptions. You seem not to realize that all "successful" women have countless men behind them, being either used or supported. Any example of a woman you could come up with, I can explain how her husband/other men in her life were actually behind her success, without fail. It's rare to see a woman who both doesn't realize this, as well as doesn't use men to fuel their own narcissism. I guess because you don't need need to make money you try to realize yourself, but again, only way you can do that is through a man.You basically are complaining, without knowing about it, that you are not a man.Welcome to reality.
>>85848358>>85848420There's a lot of conflicting things hereAgency comes from the difference in how you do something, but it doesn't seem like you do much of anythingPurpose comes from other people but it doesn't sound like there's many people around youConnection requires you to be similar to others and willing to grow togetherHave you tried getting into other people's interests? Or, what interests do you have to begin with?
>>85848370It actually makes sense that woman is ultimate form of soul if you consider that God doesn't about your material achievements, hard work and all this stuff that feeds the ego. God only cares about your capacity to submit and love him. Like you know, God is the giga had and giga had just wants a harem of cute girls not hubris ridden manbosses.This dynamic actually is played out in our realm too, as men in power would prefer to get rid of most of men and rule over a herd of foiddrones sucking his cock. Even my own father refuses to hire men unless really critical because "they are a pain in the ass and demand too much".
>>85848441You didn't read *any* of them, and if you did, you didn't understand what they mean or what is their purpose. You flaunt your surface level knowledge of religious texts, while bearing no real understanding of their intention. Truthfully it's irrelevant.All you've so far done in this thread is just complain you don't have it better: I explained it to you, you reject it, despite me having all of philosophical thought from the past 5000 years on my side.You think you're smarter than all of this, and that's the root of your problem. Arrogance fueled by your upbringing. >>85848476Take that feminist shit and shove it up your ass retard.
>>85848456>>85848456There are plenty of normal independent roles that women occupy in society, but I do not fit into any of them. I've kinda listed a lot of possibilities in the op post already and there are a lot of women irl I actually adored and respected - until I just became a recluse because I am so ashamed of myself compared to them. Even compared to my own mother, despite her having some issues, she is still a fucking saint and a pillar of her community. Few men could rival her strength of spirit given the hell she grew up in. Especially not my dad, my dad is a complete slime of a person, well I guess I somewhat take after him. The only thing he is good at is presentation but that one skipped me. He is kinda the reason I can't respect men, I automatically filter everything men say through the image of my father crying about some stupid shit and being afraid to talk to me, and when I see powerful men I instantly imagine them doing same shit at home. Because other people may in fact think that he is cool and successful but he just fraudmaxxed. >>85848475I am mostly just into learning new shit, I don't have stable interest I could tie my personality to. Everything becomes a boring drag after a year or two.
>>85848489> their purposeTheir purpose is by large to confuse idiots like you into accepting islam (I am using Islam here as metaphor for word to word obedience).If you separate them from this context there are plenty of useful philosophy here and there, but anything that pertains to life instruction is just locals shoehorning justifications for the elites to abuse tards. I frankly do not even consider such parts of text as anything relevant as their materials is clearly ungodly. Which is why I also think that Islam is so appalling in how it is basically almost devoid of any spirituality at all unless you give into sufistic heresy. It's just life instruction. How to live a proper life is entirely contextual on society you find yourself in. And living a proper doesn't even matter anyways, because all humans do is vanity of vanities.
>>85848597*as their materialism is clearly ungodly
>>85848537>There are plenty of normal independent roles that women occupy in societyAnd here your knowledge of a toddler shows. Anyway keep complaining on r9k, brainlet retard. Nobody cares about your uneducated opinions.>>85848597>having a meltdown over Islam, without anybody even mentioning IslamYep, it's a retard. Let me guess middle eastern foid immigrant?You're so stupid it's hilarious.
>>85848537>another woman groomed by her mother who "is strong an independent" and her father "WEAK SIMP!".Story as old as time, and never true to any extent. Even my mother tried to brainwash me with this crap.Your father literally has a company (you have no idea how hard it is to own a business btw), and your mother just sucks his tits but somehow brainwashed you into foid stronk ideology. Hilarious shit. Especially coming from a sheltered welfare queen, who never had to deal with a real world.
>>85848537Having interests is sort of an essential part of being a human. If you're not interested in anything than you can't really devote yourself to be anything. Not every human is like really devoted to what they do either and they just kind of fit themselves into the role. That's why there's bad parents. The difference is whether you want to acknowledge where your faults are and where you want to be in whatever it is you do. An NPC doesn't question where they are in life and doesn't strive to be any better. It's possible to go beyond being an NPC by actually having beliefs and convictions and a personality.
>>85848644I mentioned Islam because we were having a conversation about religious texts in general and I think Islam is a good example of a text that's almost entirely worthless due to its ungodly materialism. But you funnily just admitted that you haven't actually read shit and can't keep up with this conversation. I am russian. And you not knowing any amazing women is only a blank your part, blank in education or experience or both. I have directly faced them many times so any ideology of yours falls flat on my simple empirical evidence. The idea of needing chopsticks is worthless when you already have a fork type of thing.
>>85848674Russia is a matriarchal, gynocentric shithole. No wonder you think women do anything at all lolAnyway I am busy right now, last thing I want to do is waste time on an oligarch's daughter. Kindly murder suicide your whole subhuman family.
>>85848662My parents both have a company, and my mothers one is a way more intensive one with bigger risks and responsibility and yet she still got less lawsuits and us by wide margin more successful with actual stable income flow. There is no brainwashing needed it's just blatant and on the surface unfortunately. She actually really badly tried to placate me into appreciating him anyways because she is just so kind and humble, but you can't unsee what you see. He lives in a house bought entirely on her money. He has never bought me, his daughter, a single thing because he thinks children can grow on their own. The only reason he is there is to be a conversation dummy to amuse her evenings. Because apparently he can talk well, not that I ever got any of it, because he is afraid to talk to me.
>>85848707I don't live in russia thoughbeit. And we are not "oligarchs" just rich enough to be safe and not worry about material. Also as russians say "nice surrender" buddy. You haven't said a single actual quote from spiritual texts while I have done multiple. So you focusing on my persona here is a clear retreat because I have "bared" that you are a liar.
>>85848666So without a genuine interest, do I like just choose a random thing to dedicate to? But it wouldn't feel good at all or fulfill any need, because everything I'd do under this framing would be insincere. I probably do not understand how this whole interest thing works because I just cannot imagine how one thing can continue to be interesting for decades when you can exhaust all relevant information in few years.
>>85848725Rare form of a girlboss but a welcome one>>85848768Well people usually choose to be interested in what their friends are interested in. Or, if they have a good experience with someone they try to be like them. Media can also play a big role in influencing people. A person who watches documentaries will likely be an activist. If you watch comedies you're likely to be funnier.I would describe it as harmonization. The same way people acquire information, they also can pick up these social cues, the subtle little inflections in people's behavior they radiate in their usual activities. These sorts of cues then get mirrored inside you and before you know it you've blended in to your environment. It can help reinforce the behavior by repeatedly exposing yourself to the source material.How does this relate to interests? Well, it's simply a tangent of acceptable growth given the social stipulations. You're allowing yourself to grow into deep emotions and ritualistic behaviors in devotion to your interests. Through most of human history people would generally be interacting with people face to face a lot more often than today so it wasn't difficult to pick up interests. My advice is to find and interact with people, and don't worry if you're awkward because all first meetings are awkward. It's the steps you take to make yourself not awkward that people really hold in high regard.
It's only over when you give up. I'll never give up even when I get old. No matter what.
>>85848947If only everyone could have such conviction
>>85848947Well I gave up because I simply don't care anymore and can't find any reason whatsoever to care. There are no rewards in this world.
>>85847957How long have you been fat? That's probably a big part of your problem right there. So shut up fatty. Go for walks, sit down and shut up. You're going to notice thoughts and feelings come. Shut up and let them go. You have nothing better to do, right? Or kill yourself, see who would care.
>>85847957I feel like the opposite in a way, my 20s is just one big neurosis that paralyzed me and prevented me from doing anything. Now that reality is setting in Im hoping I'll be able to be less neurotic and care less, maybe actually get some things done.
>>85848947>>85849771This is right and its not about conviction, its more like faith, conviction is knowing for certain, faith is not knowing and still trying. I wasted so much time trying to figure stuff out by trying to know what would work before I started, but it doesnt work that way. Say you wanna make a video game, okay are you gonna spend thousands of hours learning programming, making assets etc to put a game together when you know theres a risk nobody gives a shit and it fails? Thats what solo developers have to do, same thing with anything else, gonna marry someone if they might turn out to be the wrong person for you in a decade? Gonna study when your degree might be unemployable? There is inherent life damaging risk everywhere, but there is a satisfaction in being the brave person who does it anyway and accepts the outcome.
>>85850711Yeah...I'm basically just hoping that having kids will give me purpose, assuming I ever actually do start a family
>>85847957It sounds like all your problems, from weight to a lack of achievements, stem from inaction. Inaction is difficult to solve on one's own and easy to solve with company pushing you.Sometimes I want a gf like that so that I can sculpt her into a success she never dreamed was possible. I would go L O N D O N and ask for your contact info and fix you at least 10%, but it's pretty clear you're American and long-distance stuff is unserious.
>>85848881No thats not possible. I had this conflict ever since I was 5 with everyone, that my interests do not match my peers. I just cannot get into something simply based on people. Its boring. I cant bring myself to care. Stuff that most people consume is really bad. But even outside of that issue, even when I can find a community of likeminded people they still shun and hate me probably because they smell my dumbass autism or something. This wont change, I wont change. It is just impossible for me to change. >>85850729I've always been fat>>85850757I realized that being neurotic and caring is what made me do stuff in the first place. Now that I do not care...There is simply no hunger to satiate, nothing to crave. Not caring is debilitating.>>85850784I will never even start a family. Its too difficult to organize and no man has ever wanted anything other that fwb with me. >>85850830im europoori have tried some action but it just never payed off because i lack the will to be consistent on anything. everytime i go to gym it only lasts 2 month. everytime i start drawing it lasts only 2 weeks. when I study under others, got a degree and some extra courses but once i go out of classroom it dissappears from my life entirely
>>85847957>Neither will I ever have plentiful sex with handsome menwhy do women do this performative copeHave you ever actually had sex? If I had sex with a pornstar or my gf its the same thing like maybe 10% better and less wholesome.
>>85851040>no man has ever wanted anything other that fwb with meWhats your bodycount femanon, be honest you're anonymous
>>85851479its just 2you probably think i am talking about chads but no, the men who offered me fwb were all equally losers as me, stinky, unkempt, had hardships staying hard anyways and all and they absolutely did not deserve casual sex or anything so I did not in fact have sex with them most of the time>>85851464Yes I had, a person being actually attractive matters a lot because sex is mental thing for women. I get that for men any hole will do, but for women its just pathetic. But I am generally more frustrated with just numerical lack of it at all. Like I have had sex maybe 25 times in my life total and maybe only 3 out of them actually felt good (as in passionate).
>>85851040You should just fly to America and marry me desu. Though I'm not much better than >>85852028 I feel like we'd get along because we both use r9k.
>>85848324>If you're already wealthy then why do you want to make video gamesYou're subhuman. Sometimes I wonder how many of you are here on this board that I'm interacting with every day.
>>85852423Projection much?You act like video games aren't a way to make money
>>85852108using r9k is a bad measurement of compatibility because honestly i kinda despise 80% of local poster for being retarded niggers
>>85852028>But I am generally more frustrated with just numerical lack of it at all. Like I have had sex maybe 25 times in my life total and maybe only 3 out of them actually felt good (as in passionate).Thats because you've never had a real relationship before. You've just had random sex, its not supposed to feel good. You need a real relationship and to have kids, I read between the lines in everything you wrote. Wanting to be famous and admired is loser shit.
>>85852482It's moreso that they're not well adapted to social behavior. In the meatspace I'm not so well in interacting either but one on one talks where the goal of the conversation is to merely weight the pros and cons of a topic and decide a pathway forward, that's where I excel.The majority of robots and posters fall into a few categories: 1 the newfag (or jaded oldfag) who posts whatever they feel like without regards to the board culture, 2 the underage who's purpose in posting revolves around getting "wins" over people through name calling and insults, 3 the people who make threads or posts just asking other people to do things (eg. share your experiences in highschool), 4 the bait posters made specifically in bad faith to get a lot of replies, and 5 the avatarfag/ namefag who only participates in generals. These are the majority of posts yes and it's understandable why it would be annoying.In another example, the claude plays pokemon threads over on v were an absolute delight and full of OC. This isn't relevant to the discussion I just scrolled by a lot of claude OC when looking for a nice image to post.
>>85852482It's weird knowing I mog the vast majority of robots in empathy when I'm such a cold motherfucker most of the time. Simply not being hateful or bitter is enough
>>85852520I had a real realtionship, its just that the guy didnt actually want to be in it and just did it out of pity and obv did not want to marry or impregnate me or anything like that and was relieved when i dropped him when he admitted that he doesnt care
>>85853082How many kids do you want? I'm curious
>>85853205I'd only truly want them if we had an independent farmstead because I do not want to put children through mindgrinding industrial complex that is public schooling. Then it be cool to build a whole clan I think but I guess also depends on how badly will pregnancy actually affect me (you never know). I honestly have a massive pregnant belly and breastfeeding fetish, but making innocent souls join this shitass crumbling society feels extremely wrong and evil and fetish does not justify it enough. I'd only do it if I could offer them an alternative existence and mindset, an opportunity to live like actual humans and not just cogs. That's why I would need a man I can actually respect and adore for such case, so that he can truly be a pillar for his family. But the truth is that I would likely just cave in at least once if only the man I was with actually wanted it. Right now I am indifferent in a sense that I do not hate kids or anything, but there is no reason for me to do it. A moid wanting it from me would be at least one @reason@. I am definitely not having kids exclusively for personal satisfaction and to avoid old age loneliness, that is immoral imho.
>>85847957gym is psyops, just eat less, tell ai to count calorie and drink waternext get one of the rich foreign bfs from online and move to his country by marrying him and neet at his place and do streaming/porn/arts on the sidewomen can't into asking out or actively seek mate, you'll have to work against your evolutionary drivestop being anti ai gooner, let ai plan out everything, learn how to customize prompt or get ai to do what you want specifically. use claude for searches and verification, deepseek for more step by step tak which is free unlimitedactually literally learn to goon, porn in research shows has negative effect on men and positive for women, force yourself to goon to things guys watch from rule34video or r34, not boomer real life pornhub tier shit - this will keep you sleeping good and get you in right mind to be with your future husband. do not use books/mangas/audio only or female audience targeted content.
>>85847957I am 36 and I had a huge internal change over the last year. Externally other people are mostly the same because of the same environment but I am happy now and that is all that matters in the end.
>>85853395That's actually quite cute and feminine. Wanting to be bred and breastfeeding your kids. To wait for someone special for having kids rather than getting knocked up shows that you have a level of empathy that's actually very good for raising a child. I should think any man who enjoys your company would be very happy when moving to a more serious relationship.For me I think 3-5 kids would be just right. Move the white population up a bit percentage wise, but not too many kids that I can't properly raise them. Well, I'm not sure if my future wife will be white, since love is a mysterious world. My soulmate could be a sheboon but it wouldn't dawn on me until we got to know each other. Being 31 makes me realize that I really want a woman to be comfortable around rather than one who is conventionally attractive.
>>85853491Kinda funny post I somewhat appreciate you typed so much shit while so unserious. But I do not need money, I already neet. And I also already think about sex to fall asleep...I want something beyond all that stupid shit, something that would deeply touch and shake me. Talking to ai just pisses me off lately though it has become so obnoxious. Like it copied humans so hard I know have to call it retarded idiot to get it to answer properly.>>85853525Was there anything that motivated it?>>85853648You sound sweet.
>>85847957I both enjoy and suffer from unconditional self love. I love myself and everything that makes me who I am, flaws included. Unfortunately that also leaves me unwilling to address any flaws I have or improve upon myself, because I already believe I'm perfect just as I am now, even if that is objectively untrue. It's a funny position to be in.
