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>>25566201 >>25567123 >>25588881

~Requirements~

Character: Cryptid.

Theme: Predator vs. Prey.

>[Countdown to submission deadline]
https://countingdownto.com/w4/display/submission-deadline-lwc-oct-2026-qbr

This month there are TWO WEEKS to write; TWO WEEKS to read & critque!

never been a tripfag before, so im hoping this works.
>>25565377
i love the pictures you are using for these threads, im a sucker for art nouveau.
>>25565403
i feel like the prompt has one very direct and obvious interpretation, and it requires a bit of thinking outside the box to make it really interesting. i do think i have one solid idea already.

>>25566201
>i feel like the prompt has one very direct and obvious interpretation, and it requires a bit of thinking outside the box to make it really interesting.
That is the standard for /lwc/ and why it is dying. Multiple anons have pointed this out but are always ignored.

>wrote story once
>rewrote it
>realize I have a much better framing device of the whole thing
I don't know how the hell Bradbury rewrote a story six times every week without shooting himself. It's exhausting. Especially since now I gotta research MORE stupid shit. I've come to respect second vault/well-read fags not because I thought that stuff was useful before, but because having a network of notes for something you need ready to go is super valuable.

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>>25567138 >>25567167 >>25619211

>>25565403
I'm not super familiar with cryptids, would picrel be the definition we're going with?

>>25567123
nah I think all that stuff is cryptids.

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>>25567219

>>25567123
>I'm not super familiar with cryptids, would picrel be the definition we're going with?
“We’re” not going by any definition; it’s up to each author as to how they interpret what that word means but, quite intentionally, the fact that it’s the Halloween month should be granting you some latitude.
Personally, I disagree with that infographic because Mothman is the cryptid quintessential.
And any list that leaves out a biological doofus like the Loveland Frog is dead to me, at least.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_cryptids

>>25566605
>That is the standard for /lwc/ and why it is dying. Multiple anons have pointed this out but are always ignored.
You’re hyping up their compliment as though it’s a criticism? As if promoting out-of-the-box thinking is a bad thing?

>>25567167
>You’re hyping up their compliment as though it’s a criticism? As if promoting out-of-the-box thinking is a bad thing?
No, just pointing out that such exercises quickly become boring and only offer a challenge to those just starting out in writing. Hence these threads dying, after doing it a few times it offers nothing, especially when it fixates so myopically on character and theme. To survive you need to give prompts which offer something to all skill levels so anons will stick around and more accomplished writers will join in.

Probably too late for /lwc/, should just let it die and wait a few months to start anew. Also should just give up on being thread ruler, at the very least make the reward for wining be getting to do next months thread how ever they see fit and not being constrained to character and theme.

Multiple anons have explained this to both you and yodo, you both ignored their advice and we are seeing the result.

>>25567219
>only offer a challenge to those just starting out in writing
You mean it's suited to a fresh roster of participants and encourages writing from people who otherwise might not be writing, rather than being a circlejerk of an established elite who claim a predictable place every time?

>Probably too late for /lwc/, should just let it die and wait a few months to start anew
Why not start your own monthly comp for the more established talent pool you're interested in? More events catering to a wider gamut of writers sounds like it could only be a good thing.

>>25567291
Strawman or just lousy comprehension?

sorry, i didnt realize my message would launch such a heated argument.
>>25567219
i fail to see how the challenge could become boring just because youre an experienced writer. i dont wanna spoil my story, but i bet you could write literally any genre or type of story based on this prompt.
>myopic fixation of character and theme
myopic? character and theme is about as broad-strokes as it gets.
>>25567291
i dont think there is anything wrong with a cirklejerk, especially on a board such as this. the pool of beginner writers who wanna submit a text to a month-long competition isnt very large. i imagine most of them are gonna drop a sneaky link in the writing general right before it drops off page 10.
>>25567427
thats not how a strawman works.

>>25567492
>i fail to see how the challenge could become boring just because youre an experienced writer.
Because it is the same challenge, character and theme. There is a lot more to literature than just those two things, need to work on them all if you want to improve and you need to stand on your own two feet with characer and theme.
>but i bet you could write literally any genre or type of story based on this prompt.
Sure, can do that with any prompt but that turns the exercise into thinking outside of the box instead of developing your writing skills in full.
>myopic? character and theme is about as broad-strokes as it gets.
I did not say character and theme are myopic, I said the fixation on them is. But we can get far broader-strokes, for a Halloween prompt:
>death
Can be character, theme, plot, even setting or all of them and more. Now you have to construct far more of the story on your own, you have to think about character and theme in ways you will not think about them when they are given as the prompt, in the way you will have to think about them in your own writing. Completely accessible to everyone from the beginner to the seasoned writer and those seasoned writers will probably offer advice and encouragement to those starting out and will be able to offer better advice than beginners can.
>thats not how a strawman works.
Cherry picking and ignoring context to argue against things which were not said is a strawman argument.

>>25566605
>>25567219
>>25567576
/lwc/ is not a writer’s workshop, where we gather around and have lessons or lectures on how to improve our writing. There’s a lot of newbies yes, but crucially they improve through feedback, not through the contest. The aim of the contest is to write to each other’s stories.
You are fixated on the prompt, while ultimately, it is neither limiting the creative expression of storytelling, and your alternative is not substantially different. The character and theme can be interpreted however you want: you dismiss out-of-the-box thinking, when your death prompt itself requires that, except yours requires more range.
Besides that, you have not demonstrated that the prompt format is meaningfully correlated with writers leaving. No testimonies, no dwindling submissions: you are just diagnosing a phenomenon that I haven’t seen occurring, and then prescribing a solution you personally prefer. Even if we are losing writers, a more likely reason is writers not wanting to write to /lwc/ when they are busy with their own lives. Or feeling the community isn’t worth engaging in. Or refusal to write OC for a 4chan general. All of these are more pressing matters than the prompt format itself, which becomes auxiliary at best.
As for why this prompt should keep going, it has one core idea: it helps orient our submissions around a theme, however loosely, and gives /lwc/ an identity. Not only that, there’s enough specificity within it to curb anons smuggling in older works with a fresh coat of paint.
That isn’t to say that your prompt idea does not have value, or other prompts don’t: I am saying that you have not demonstrated the necessity of us changing what is already established.

>>25568741
>ignores everything said
OK, the slow death of these threads has nothing to do with the thread itself. Have a bump, you need all you can get.

bump

bump

>>25565377
Trick or Treat

She shares her love, loves sharing
With those missing a piece of their heart.

Like lighting a match in cold darkness,
Her warmth beating wings impart.

Golden locks streaked with autumn,
Loose dolphin shorts too new;
A necklace of teeth
(seemingly human)
Slightly singed and tucked from view.

But hardly is there time to think —
She dances, twirls, cries out and sings,
A day of scattered leaves and laughter,
Dreamt life of wonderful ever afters.

Hallow's Eve chill kept at bay
By downy caresses and kisses half-way;
The sunset's blaze, dry kindling asmolder,
Met teary eyes that could scorch the beholder.

In hallway, doorway, bedroom and bed,
Came flickering dance of unsteady tread;
Mingling of bony flesh and feather,
Smells of past snows and old-fashioned leather;

The lustrous inferno gives no rest,
Gasping and melting and closely pressed;
Sweetness of cinder, burning untamed,
Crumples and bursts and explodes into flame...

So embers dull.
Breeze settles gentle.
Quiet, a slow pall.
Smoke, a soft mantle.

Her partner was gone,
Their joy turned to ash.
Most beautiful moment,
Captured at last.

With tender sigh
the maiden bent lower,
And there she picked up
the soot-covered molar –

Shared remnant of one who loved sharing
A missing piece of her heart.

>>25572189
Dope.

230 hours left, and 1 submission so far.

>>25568741
I’ll just add to this that a big part of it all for me when I started writing stories for /lwc/ wasn’t even the critiques per se, but the feeling after “publishing” that someone out there, whom I’ve never met and can only imagine, is reading a thing that I wrote.
I read my own material forwards and backwards as myself, as the author; but picturing it from another’s POV—where there’s this real, concrete stranger scanning my work for themselves somewhere—doing that feels like the camera’s cutting away from the inside of my own brain or something, almost like I’m escaping subjectivity.
Even if no one on the other end actually reads one of my stories, the possibility alone that someone DID (or is going to) is enough of a extrospective gobsmack to make me more self-critical and write better next time.

I've got something in the works, but I'm gonna take advantage of the extended deadline and probably post it some time next week. Just saying in case anyone's on the fence about participating for fear of lack of submissions, I imagine others are gonna be doing the same.

bump

>>25576232
>• Friday, October 16th, 11:59 PM GMT
Why did you told me this? It was fueling my drive.

bump

bump

bump

bump

bump

https://rentry.co/b62ubada

>>25583609
forgot tripcode?

>>25583609
>>25583829

4 days left.

>>25577668
University students have to study for and take midterms mid-October. Call it an accommodation.

>>25586548
Fuck... im 28 i miss undergrad...

3 days and 3 hours left.

>>25565403
You chose a very shit character concept and theme to boot, most people can't spend two weeks reading on cryptids and cryptozoology to write a short story nophono's gonna care about. Making up some bullshit about an entirely fabricated made-up monster and use it as the basis of a compelling narrative is gonna require more than a fortnight to make it work at all.

Here's my submission. Include it in the vote under the name Roy or I will go fucking mental:

I was walking thru the woods when a skeleton chased me with a big pink rubber dildo and i thought i got away but then i fell in a big bog but not only was i trapped in the bog but my trousers had fallen down and my bumhole was stretched wide open and exposed to the mulchy October air.

Although I had shook the bedildoed skeleton suddenly i heard a bony rustling along the path next to the bog. To my horror it was the skeleton. Luckily skeletons can't see colour else he would have noticed my big red cheeks, ruddy from the sudden cold snap we had that week.

He slowed down as he got closer to the bog. Was it ancestral memory? Or did he catch my perfectly round cheeks? He sighed, as if weary of the world, and moved on. I couldn't believe my luck. But then something terrible happened.

The reheated pumpkin stew i had earlier that day had finally rounded the corner into my small intestines, and at that moment shot out for all the forest to hear like a big pile of wet rocks landing in mud. The skeleton stopped in his tracks and i heard the dry clatter of ribs as he turned back to the bog and my bum braced to the elements.

Yet he made no further move than that. Did he see my bumhole or not? With every second i feared the bony clench of my buttocks which would precede the dildo attack. What was he up to? Surely he heard it, if not smelled the pumpkin gas which overpowered even the dank brimstone of the orange bog.

Silence. For maybe five excruciating seconds, no sounds for anywhere in the woods. I was somscared i couldnt hold it in. I had to fart!

Suddenly bubbles erupted by my ear. Bog bubbles! Of course. Bog bubbles are a naturally occuring phenomenon, due to the context of fermantation down below. As a skeleton, he would know this. Thats why he waited! And although i couldnt see him, i heard the smile of his bony jaw as he chuckled deathlessly and walked off, whirling the big pink dildo in his hand like a drumstick.

The bog saved my life that day. Every year without fail i go back and make an offering - i take my trousers down and fart as close as i can to the surface without getting any of it on me, then drop a few sheets of toilet paper. As for the skeleton, who knows where he is. Maybe he's watching you now.

>>25588881
Major skill issue. Like an actually embarrassing admission.

>>25588951
Lmfao

40 hours left, and only 3 submissions so far.

There’s finally a break in the clouds, and I’ve got an idea I want to write.
It’ll probably only be post-length, but I’m so glad to be participating this month—saying this makes it a promise.

24 hours to go

Please don't let the skeleton win

>>25588951
You should call this one "Smelly Skelly."

16 hours left—I’ll post the /wibac/ afterwards.

>>25591692
>but I’m so glad to be participating this month
Forsan tempore proximo perficiam quid polliceor : (
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F0Q_DVr0_2I

https://rentry.co/fou47wy9
(Disclaimer: I like cats. Feel like that’s worth saying in light of my last story outing me as a dog person lol. Also this one's kinda dark)

https://rentry.co/e68g9yxi

https://rentry.org/v4rz6er6

Really glad I could finish this in time. I ended up being pretty busy so I couldn't take more advantage of the longer time frame but at the very least I finished it. The second half may feel more rushed though. Also, if anyone here is an expert on 18th century naval history or warfare please don't beat me up over the historical innaccuracies.
https://rentry.co/xkvovhm3

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>>25614996

Seven stories to pass around the campfire this month…
You had your time with the flashlight; now for the rest of the circle to react.

~Competition~

>Trick or Treat —mandrake !vEOgiBXFGg
>>25572189

>The Myth of Theseus —!9HyhcY5dDQ
https://rentry.co/b62ubada

>“I was walking thru the woods”— Roy
>>25588951

>The Cat Lady —Bran !SzEUY8OZKQ
https://rentry.co/fou47wy9

>Recursive —Ha'ad !hRKzjuYk9Q
https://rentry.co/e68g9yxi

>Bigfoot was shooting dope with the angel in my attic —bf !5kuiMAFVxQ
https://rentry.org/v4rz6er6

>Diabolus Ponti — je ne sais !9TLyaBkQRA
https://rentry.co/xkvovhm3

~Voting~

https://strawpoll.com/YVyPvGW4ogN

>[countdown to voting deadline]
https://countingdownto.com/?c=7389134

>>25583609
I like how you subverted who is predator and who is prey. The Minotaur's naivety is kinda cute, and Theseus' narcissism and ambition are believable without veering into caricature. We see Theseus understand his own flaws, yet brush them aside for the greater picture:

>There was something wanting in him, perhaps. The possibility disturbed him. All the same, Poseidon might have intended his son for duties that required just such composure.

This makes the deviation from canon (Theseus plotting his own father's death) fit really well.

The Minotaur's desire for creation and companionship stands in stark contrast to Theseus' callous disregard for Ariadne, his father, and others. So it's interesting that the two get along swimmingly.

I do have some small nitpicks. "Cowtown" as a word looks out of place in a story about Greek mythology. And there are various points of confusion that might benefit from further clarification. For example, why does the Minotaur remember the Athenian youths giggling and tip-toeing down the stairs, "not fearful anymore"? The lighthearted attitude is out of place for people supposedly sent to Minos as captives. Perhaps this is just the Minotaur's biased perspective?

And why did Minos send the youths into the Labyrinth in the first place, if he intended for them to be secretly kept alive as slaves? Quite risky to send the captives into the maze without any guards.

And it seems a bit out of character for the Minotaur to suggest premediated murder, even if he desperately wanted Theseus' approval. Might work better if the Minotaur drew the black sail by mistake, and have Theseus come up with the malicious plot after seeing the drawing.

>>25588951
>bedildoed skeleton
You sure have a way with words.

>finally rounded the corner into my small intestines
But maybe work on your anatomy knowledge. Small intestines come right after the stomach, before the large intestines and exit. Unless the pumpkin stew traversed all 1.5 meters of winding fleshy tunnels in a single moment, I think large intestines fits better here.

>no sounds for anywhere in the woods
Phrasing here is a bit awkward.

>Luckily skeletons can't see colour
>Ancestral memory
>Surely he heard it, if not smelled the pumpkin gas
>Bog bubbles are a naturally occuring phenomenon, due to the context of fermantation down below. As a skeleton, he would know this.
I wonder if this "skeleton" is actually closer to some other manner of monster, like a zombie or ghoul. Why can't a skeleton see colour? Why would a skeleton have ancestral memory for spotting butt cheeks? Why is it assumed a skeleton can hear or smell things if it's just a pile of bones? Why would a skeleton know anything about the context of fermentation?

Very spooky piece, though I'm of the opinion it leaves too many mysteries unexplained. Jokes mostly rely on absurdity and toilet humor, not much else. And not sure what a reader is supposed to take away from the story. Always hide in bogs when chased by dildo-wielding skeletons, perhaps?

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>>25600306 >>25600311

>>25594216
Great concept. The literal cougar embodying both meanings of the word "predator" is very thematic. The way you alternate between timelines keeps me in suspense, even when I already had an idea of where the story was going. And the parallels between the predator of the past (Kat) and the predator of today (Nate) is built into the story structure. It's an implicit suggestion that predation is cyclic. That victims sometimes grow up to perpetuate abuse, and prey can become predator.

There's a lot of good images:
>seasoning the half-eaten bird with a sprinkle of blood and glass
>stark white trees reaching into the sky like blood vessels
>mouthwatering misery
>drawn out, moaning yowls

The glass eye is also a nice reflection of Nate's own dull, boarded up psyche with "no means of connection."

All the vivid childhood scenes make Kat an unsettling, horrible presence, almost a force of nature instead of a character... which works perfectly, because from a kid's perspective, there is no comprehending why an adult would hurt them. The abuse is confusing and distressing, just like how a fawn would feel when ambushed by a cougar in the wild.

That said, I think there are some parts that could use more polish. The Phantom Cat feels slightly shoehorned in to fit the cryptid theme, and could be connected better with the rest of the story. I'm not sure how or why Nate lost his eye. Was Kat responsible for the injury? Nate also lacks agency. He's a helpless victim in the past, yet even in the present as a hunter, he does his job mechanically, as if avoiding having to think about his trauma.

A small change could tie things together: what if Nate is contracted to kill a particularly large cat instead of just foxes? "As big as a cougar," the rancher might describe the target. Then the tension could build up throughout the hunting scenes, as Nate is constantly on the lookout for his hated prey the Phantom Cat.

Nate is already shown as less predatory than his abuser:

>He didn't relish in anything's pain, didn't toy and torture like they did

So maybe have a symbolic action to show how Nate breaks the chain in the end. Say he sights a blurry standing silhouette through his scope, one with a vaguely panther print jacket. Even if the figure is clearly a standing human, he mistakes it for the Phantom Cat because the concepts have become inextricably linked in his mind. But at the very last second, Nate manages to overcome his past trauma. He stills his finger, pulls out the monocle, and realizes he'd narrowly avoided murdering his own client (dressed in camo jacket).

Just a suggestion of course. Maybe I've misread what you were going for with the ending. Regardless, the story is well written and psychologically deep, rewarding to reread.

>>25596804
I'm happy you like my story :) i guess the point of the story is that sometimes you just have to wait out the bad periods of your life even if your arse is dangling in the air

I hope i can count on your vote

Who all actually used the extra time to do research?

>>25599112
Skeleton anon here, I already knew enough about skeletons

>>25594800
Memory sucking mosquitoes is a unique concept. The story does a good job of making the mysterious cryptids scary in a short amount of words. Close third-person perspective helps: the wry and irritable narrator's mind jumps erratically between different thoughts and feelings as he tries to get home. Rhetorical questions and disorientation act as first-hand evidence of the power the mosquitoes have over their prey. And the carefree almost jovial attitude when he marches to his (presumed) death is a fitting end for a horror story.

However, I think there's some missing potential in the approach to theme. I'm not sure what the mosquitoes might symbolize, if they're even supposed to symbolize anything. Are they preying on the man? Or his memories? What message should readers takeaway from the story?

Also, is there some significance to the winter setting and the snow? Right now the surroundings seem a bit generic. Could add specific navigation details to further sell the forgetfulness and "walking in circles" atmosphere. Something like scratched grooves in tree bark or a frozen-over brook can improve immersion.

>Something more glamorous seemed in order
>Whatever’s going on, he knows one thing: this is the wrong path

At some points in the plot I got confused. Why does the narrator question going south? What does "more glamorous" mean here? The story treats it as obvious that "he knows one thing: this is the wrong path" but I'm not sure how he knows?

There's a few shifts into present tense that should be fixed:
>it's winter
>it's a very silly excuse

And some of the wording sounds off to me.
>His neck pulsated rapidly
>He felt his gut scream
>He groaned as frost bit into his fingertips
>whistled against the wind that was hounding him

I think the vein not the neck would be pulsating. "Gut scream" is generic, would like more physiological descriptors related to the mosquito bites and the memory loss. Should probably mention the wind biting into his fingers, not frost, unless he's touching the snow for some reason? And "wind that was hounding him" sounds awkward, more concise to say: "whistled against the hounding wind."

>A mosquito: one the note specifically warned about

This sentence is unnecessary, we already know the note warned about mosquitoes. No need to repeat stuff.

>>25595171
Great opening line. Immediately catches attention.

The rhythm of the first paragraph is beautiful. The call-response of "revealed-revealed," "still yet still," "I can sleep, I sleep," "sunnily-dumbly," "calmed or filled with what passes for calm," "almost awhile," and "beneath the roof beneath the sun" lull us into the pull and tug of a narrator caught in surreal dreamscape, wavering between conscious and unconscious. This is my favorite part of the story.

Very creative imagery:
>wooden evening above my head
>sublimity's down and dust
>my ear and heart so brushed and filled, they are set thus to plummet
>frozen reflective silver
>beautiful and statuesque and grimacing
>So the small, great two-piece of yearning play their duet

The abstractness keeps me in suspense, wondering what the Bigfoot and angel could represent. Drug addict parents? Fragments of personality? Or two literal cryptids in the attic? The close first person perspective delivers emotion well. I feel the obsession and emptiness that haunt the narrator, the claustrophobia and passing of time as the narrator is trapped in a too-familiar room. The music word choice (three long notes, duet, allegro) keeps the horror distant yet close at the same time, cool acoustic device.

Love how the story approaches theme. Loneliness and anticipation preys on the narrator's sleep. Addiction (to drugs, to the sound of others) preys on both the attic-dwellers and the narrator like "a kind of chemical movement that could never be undone." Then there's the fact that the two above are predators who will eventually run out of dope. The narrator is "more worried about what will happen when they run out than if they never existed at all," which leads nicely into the final frightening descent of the ladder.

>The sofa complains against too large a lightness than nature could ever approve

Is phrased awkwardly. Maybe try "The sofa complains against a lightness larger than nature could ever approve."

>So the small drama ... so the nights and days pass ... so evening returns

The "so..." is repeated five times here, kind of repetitive. Could probably just repeat three times and then say "Nights and days pass ... Evening returns."

The ending has the weakest writing in my opinion. It turns to abstractions and generic explanation rather than the palpable imagery from before.

>A species of whispers
>Dopesick footsteps
>Tender greatness
>Peerless consolation
>Consolation turned to terror
>near exit's precincts

These are labels instead of imagery, telling the reader what to feel instead of showing. For example, I find it hard to visualize what a species of whispers or dopesick footsteps sound like. Also "dopesick" as a term was already used once. There's probably a better word than "precincts". It sounds out of place, slightly pretentious. And telling us about the narrator's consolation and terror is less effective than using physiological details.

>Whispers are carried now through cracks in the floor that were never meant for them.

What does "cracks never meant for [whispers]" mean? Another part that veers into vagueness. Sounds impressive but doesn't seem to convey actual meaning.

The repetition of "never" also feels unimpactful. I wasn't feeling much build-up from the repeated "nevers."

>Unseen objects are thrust aside gently and powerfully.

The two adverbs sound weird. Might rewrite for better impact.

It's an ambitious piece with great rhythm and emotion, but sometimes the lyricism comes across as trying too hard. Some of the descriptions are too floaty with little substance and skirt the boundary of purple prose.

>>25595428
Lots to think about with this one. First of all, great job with the research and historical details. The Santísima Trinidad, allusion to Drake and Norris (biased toward the Spanish), and Catholic terms do a lot to ground a story rich with philosophy/symbolism in real life.

The narrator Rodrigo, reflecting on life and his own flaws after overcoming perilous tribulations, has a weathered voice reminiscent of the many protagonists of shipwreck novels like Robinson Crusoe and Moby Dick. His recount of what happened is convincingly atmospheric. However, I did notice some anachronisms that might detract from immersion ("Ok", "Yeah, let's go"). And Pelayo is more of a story device than a character. He's also a shipwreck survivor, from storm not beast. He's a Spanish patriot. Yet none of these things matter much, because his only purpose seems to be the skeptic that listens to Rodrigo's story. There's potential to make Pelayo a foil, but it doesn't seem to be developed properly.

>The luster of the stars was deadened, the moon was dented and dim
>a hellish scarlet as if he had ascended from the deepest pit of hell, as if the blood of his victims clung to his body, as if it revealed his antediluvian origin uncleansed by the deluge, its preternatural nature old as sin itself

Writing-wise, the night of the disaster is fittingly foreboding, and the Kraken is described beautifully, a half-monster half-mythological force of nature. The occasional philosophical pondering on Providence, Platonism, and human arrogance also fits a repentant sailor who'd just sailed through hell and back.

Some plot points are a bit confusing though. I'm not sure how Rodrigo managed to swing his saber and lose it in the Kraken's hooks, or stab the monster near the beak, when he was "never close enough to tell" whether he was "redolent of sulfur." How did Rodrigo get down from the crow's nest? Why didn't the tentacles just crush him into a paste? The Kraken is as large as an "Ark" so the scale doesn't match up.

There are also some parts that could be trimmed, like the first few paragraphs about "Homeric or Virgilian aura," "Bronze Age aristocrats," and the details about escaping the pirates. The flurry of references in the first paragraph look more like intellectual muscle-flexing than useful contributions to the story. And the detached narration means the cannonballs and gunpowder lack imagery and perspective needed to make visceral impact on the reader. I would try to compress the pirates into a few sentences to focus on the encounter that matters. And the dream at the end is introduced suddenly (the author ran out of time).

Word choice is also rather pretentious:
>stercoral entrails
>profoundest refutation of all Platonism
>diaphanous fabric
>pelagic seconds
>redolent of sulfur
>crashed against a pair of ships
>compassing us

Try not to use "big" words just because they sounds impressive. "Profundest" is extra fluff, "stercoral" and "redolent" and "pelagic" while somewhat related, are simply repeating already inherent qualities of "entrails" and "sulfur" and "stretching seconds." "Diaphanous" is just plain incorrect in my opinion. And eyes "crashing" or ships "compassing" sounds awkward.

Where the story shines brightest is dealing with themes and allegories. There's an amazing reference in the epigraph to Psalm 104, verse 25:

>There is the sea, vast and spacious, teeming with creatures beyond number -- living things both large and small.

At first glance it relates to the large ocean creature in the story. But a discerning reader (or someone who looks up the passage in the Bible) might notice the verse that follows right after, not present in the epigraph:

>There the ships go to and fro, and Leviathan, which you formed to frolic there.

The giant Biblical sea monster is literally hidden beneath the surface of the epigraph, mirroring the Kraken hidden in deep ocean. And the contrast between the Kraken's "utter forgetfulness of living" and "filled with pleasure and joy by the carnage" mirrors the contradictory nature of the Leviathan in scripture (both as a vessel of destruction and a "frolicking" plaything for God). Clever Easter egg.

Leviathan is further connected to the final dream sequence:

>God liberates the nations but he keeps one for his satisfaction

The "one" could refer to the Leviathan... but at this point the Leviathan has been slain by the apex predator of the era, the British Empire. So I think the "pool of knowledge" Rodrigo discovers (then forgets) at the end is: Rodrigo, or the human empire he represents, has become the "frolicking plaything," the terrible force that "annhililates" the innocence of the Kraken, the uncivilized colonies, and the ocean itself. As Rodrigo says,

>I have lived as prey for so long I forgot what being a man is.

He is no longer prey, but the predator and the Leviathan.

This is just one of many possible interpretations, though. The story is rich in symbolism related to predators and prey. Kudos to the author.

Voted

>>25597485
Thanks for the feedback, this gave me so much to think about. I got really stuck with this story, and this has helped to bring a lot of things into focus (obnoxiously long double-post incoming).

Starting with the easy stuff, I totally agree that the story basically grinds to a halt to be like “By the way, here’s the Wikipedia summary of my chosen cryptid as per the requirements.” And idek how I ended up here, I grew up on phantom cat stories and they were at the forefront of the original story concept as soon as I read the requirements lol. Nate WAS going to be specifically trying to hunt it down like you suggest, trying to ‘slay the white whale’ so to speak. Unfortunately it just fell further and further into the background, until I lost sight of it and couldn’t figure out how to untangle it in time.

The eye stuff I agree is confusing, which was partially intentional, but not entirely successful. Basically I wanted the whole story to still work under a more innocent interpretation where Kat’s just a dumbass who literally tried to make friends with a vicious feral cat and got a kid’s eye scratched out.
I wanted to sort of capture the confusion over what exactly happened from Nate’s perspective when he had no context for it, and have it serve as a metaphor for the destruction and violence inherent to the subtextual abuse. And when I thought about the potential impact of losing an eye, it fit so well as a parallel to PTSD symptoms that I decided to just go with it and see how it landed. And I figured on a literal level it kind of works as a smokescreen for his sudden change in behaviour going unquestioned (including by himself), if we’re to believe the cat attack and 'the Kat attack' were two literal events that happened around the same time period.
I’m still not fully sure how to approach this aspect of the story, I’m torn between grounding it in unimpeachable reality or going more overtly surreal.

>>25600306
>>25597485
In terms of the overall point of the story, this gets a bit complicated, and I feel like I’m still figuring it out as I reply. I can’t say I intended for it to be about predation as a cycle, and I somewhat regret that it comes off that way, though I can see why it does. I probably made things hard for myself by having my ostensibly sympathetic protagonist spend the entire story blasting away small animals lmao. And generally shoving so much complicated, heavy shit into a 2000 word story.

I more wanted Kat and Nate to be contrasted in terms of their presence and arcs. Kat being overbearingly chatty and seemingly fairly benign at first, someone superficially pleasant but viscerally off-putting in a way that’d be hard to describe to someone who hasn’t experienced it, who’s progressively revealed to be a monster. Then Nate, who’s overly withdrawn and never says a word, seeming like this cold 'tough guy' as an adult only for his persona to exhaust itself throughout the night until it’s clearly just layers of cope from someone sad and scared who sees his own humanity as a liability to be buried, the story ending on his repressed panic at the mere sight of a woman.

I basically wanted to explore the impact of unexamined trauma. The back and forth is more like the past coming back louder each time and refusing to be skipped over, meanwhile his present detached cope is gradually being depleted. I’d say the ending is about the reader hopefully coming to understand Nate’s damage, but Nate refusing to do the same, committing to denial. In that respect, the robotic lack of agency and anticlimax is largely intentional.
In terms of 'predator vs prey,' I was more trying to explore how being locked into that mindset is prohibitive to living a normal life. Nate hypes up his thermal vision like it’s protecting him, demonising his targets' blood-thirst and overly identifying with their prey. He takes refuge in black and white thinking (literally) because raw reality is overwhelming (why look at beautiful, colourful flora if a dangerous animal might be camouflaged behind it?). He surrounds himself with the creature he hates/fears every night because at least it's familiar, as if trying to definitively conquer it, meanwhile he narrowly averts an existential crisis at the sight of a child’s birthday party because it feels so alien, as if the danger must be hidden, with it also just being an uncomfortable reminder of all he’s missed in life.

At least, that’s what I was going for. I don’t think I got there, but I’m reinvigorated to give it another pass some time (but judge me by what I wrote of course, not what I wish I’d written).

All that being said, I still like your tweak for the ending. It’s already established that clients are his last bastion of social interaction, imagine nearly blasting one away, or simply becoming fearful of them too.

>>25600306
>>25600311
Did you like my skeleton story?

Boomp

bump

holy.... the farting/shitting skeleton one is an instant classic. i was on the edge of my seat. hope that guy finds a publisher

>>25602985
>t. skeleton author

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>>25603029 >>25603061 >>25603787

>>25603017
No I'm not.

>>25603022
>No I'm not
>Posts proof that he is
What did he mean by this?

>>25603022
never stop posting, king

>>25603029
Can you even read? The
>my skeleton story
post isn't highlighted as his. Just accept that the skeleton shart story has fans

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>>25603171 >>25603787

>>25603082
IDK man. Red dotted border shows up on both posts. Pretty sure that means you made both of them.

And both quotes >>25600306 and >>25600311 are by Bran !SzEUY8OZKQ. You didn't quote the actual skeleton story (>>25588951).

>>25603116
You mean the red dotted line which is on your own post too? Please don't take an IQ test unless you want a nasty surprise. You must really struggle with the current captcha, right?

>>25603171
Have you thought about what the dotted red line means? Ask yourself: Why are my own posts highlighted, and the posts that reply to my posts highlighted?

Why are Bran !SzEUY8OZKQ's posts not highlighted? Why are the bumps not highlighted?

And why am I resorting to ad hominem all of a sudden? Could I be making a fool of myself?

A perplexing mystery indeed.

>>25603183
Meds, now

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>>25603899

Detective >>25603116, I got a question for you. Down at the lab there was one clue at the crime scene we didn't look over: the third one done by >>25603017. It appears to also be from the same poster as >>25603022. What do you make of it?

>>25603787
It's simple. The script skeleton anon is using puts a dotted red line on both
1. His own posts
2. Posts that reply to his posts

Obvious to anyone who uses 4chanX or similar userscripts.

>>25576232
Which one were you btw?

>>25572189
Reminds me of the movie Under the Skin.
Is she magic? Or mutant?
And what's her name? And super well-written by the way--perfect balance of poetry and storytelling.

>>25603899
? I'm skeletanon, and is my only post in this thread for a while.

I'm just glad a lot of people found enjoyment in my story!

bump

Feedback time!
(1/3)

>>25572189
I’m a bit useless with poetry unfortunately, but the rhythm and rhyme was a smooth read, and the narrative lyrical without being incomprehensibly cryptic, very nice.

>>25583609
My mythology knowledge is a bit lapsed, so take anything I have to say in the context of ignorance.
You set the scene beautifully at the beginning, "the smell of sunlight rising from their tanned flesh" paints such a visceral picture the Minotaur's isolation and vicariousness.
The first two paragraphs where Theseus is introduced I feel could potentially be switched, instead establishing how he expects things to go first, and then have him double-take at the artwork to tease that the outcome might differ (both because we know the craftsman he’s admiring is the beast he intends to slay, and as a shift from his haughty entrance to being startled by inanimate art).
It sticks out to me that we left the Minotaur’s POV right as he decided not to reveal himself to Theseus, but shortly after entering Theseus’s POV the Minotaur reveals himself anyway. It feels like a missed opportunity for the Minotaur to spend some time 'stalking' Theseus, trying to keep hidden out of a self-consciousness that’d be easily misread as predatory, feeding into Theseus’s expectations (as well as the reader’s expectation that the Minotaur, however unjustly it now seems, will still be slayed) before subverting them.
I like the whole sequence of Theseus working out that he’s not under threat. It all flows naturally and maintains a nice tension, letting the reader worry that the Minotaur might naively make a "wrong move" and startle his guest into harming him.
There’s an interesting parallel between Theseus and the Minotaur as two imaginative characters, the Minotaur artfully recording the past and Theseus strategically imagining potential futures. I like that it's in a moment of these traits overlapping that Theseus lets go of his apprehension and breaks bread with the Minotaur, in a moment where the reader can recognise their similarity and potential for friendship, tension shifting towards wondering if it’ll bloom.
(Tiny nitpick, "He drew the beam again" reads to me as if it’s Theseus, who last had the stone in his hand)

(2/3)
>>25606864
>>25583609
It’s funny how Theseus establishes the Minotaur’s intelligence and then, rather than ask more questions, launches into a long, one-sided vent while now shamelessly chowing on the beef. As if he just wanted to confirm he wasn’t talking to a brick wall but doesn’t actually care for input.
I’m a little unclear on the Minotaur’s shift from seemingly being sympathetic to Aegeus’s grief of watching Theseus leave, to suggesting Theseus might trick the man into killing himself. Might be more fitting for the Minotaur to be idyllically scratching a vicarious fantasy of a warm father/son reunion, thinking on how much it would mean to Aegeus and how fortunate Theseus is to be so loved, only for Theseus to coldly ponder it as a diagram and have a brain-blast as to how he might alter the scenario to his advantage. Theseus taking up a stone to colour in the sails would fulfil the Minotaur’s fantasy of the two of them drawing together, but to a corrupted end. In the same respect, I feel like there’s also an unexplored potential of the Minotaur not wanting Theseus to leave, his acceptance of which could be explained first by not wanting to stand in the way of this fantasy reunion, and then through the intoxication of drawing with Theseus and feeling appreciated for unintentionally aiding him in hatching the plan.

>>25588951
Perfect, no notes

>>25594800
Really cool concept. One thing I’m unsure of is why the protagonist is so dubious/obstinate after reading the note. It feels like it might be more dramatic if he takes the warning seriously, giving the reader hope that he might escape, only to take it away when he’s bitten again. Maybe he even loses the note while trying to evade the mosquito, so we know that he’s in an even worse position once the story ends.
I feel like there’s also an opportunity to play with perception. Eg, maybe he draws a compass in the snow to find North before realising he’s supposed to go South, so once he loses his memory all he sees is the arrow pointing North and assumes that’s where he’s supposed to go. Just something to give him slightly more misplaced agency over his own demise.

>>25595171
This is one of those stories that makes me feel stupid lol, I’m not confident that I’m grasping it but it’s very intriguing and evocatively written. Similar to my brain vs poetry, I get a bit lost in the lyricism.
Counter-intuitively, my only note is that directly calling out "the emptiness of my life" sticks out as a little on the nose compared to everything around it. The empty atmosphere is well set without directly saying it.
The musical motif is interesting, something about the imagery of an instrument falling out of tune really gets me.

(3/3)
>>25606872
>>25595428
Excellent. I actually forgot the cryptid thing while reading it, and once they hit something underwater I had a real "Oh shit, here it comes" moment. I love that we just had this horrific scene of blood and bodies and limbs after the conflict with the other ships, only to be told that the dead were the lucky ones. Harrowing. And the stark darkness of the night is chilling, you set it all up really well.
The way the action scenes are written is really interesting. It feels like there’s very minimal detail, but somehow it still reads so clearly in my mind. I don’t have a strong visual imagination, so action scenes often slow me down, but I was really plugged in for this. It has the air of someone retelling a genuine chaotic experience where they were in survival mode, locked in on only the important details, with you having done enough legwork in setting the scene that a lot can be inferred. I’m not bogged down trying to keep track of a gatling gun of details, it’s just there.
I also really like the slow come down afterwards (very much earned after a series of terrible experiences).
It overall reads to me as a meditation on mortality and the amoral food chain, how a monstrous kraken ends up as prey to tiny crabs and gulls, inviting us to question if/where man fits into this equation, especially in the context of our place on Earth according to domineering religions and nations. We ourselves are a seemingly insurmountable force as a collective, capable of doling out horrific destruction on other people and animals. But simultaneously, we’re tiny and vulnerable as individuals, capable of suffering such destruction in turn. These people embarking on a mission of death that seemingly serves a higher purpose and meaning, only to encounter a creature with no gods and no ambitions, to whom we’re worth nothing more than the meat on our bones. And the protagonist escaping it through luck and instinctual self-preservation while a man of God lies dead below.
I feel like there’s so much that could be said about this one. Fitting depths for a story about a deep sea creature.

>>25605002
>Which one were you btw?
lol, that was me, though evidently several others had the same thought of submitting close to the deadline, I was worried for a minute there that it was gonna be a quiet month.

bump

I just read through all of these, none of them stick out except that skeleton one... This must be what it was like to be the first one to ever watch Star Wars. Just sublime

bump

bump

>>25610873
Thanks for bumping. All the stories are pretty dull and miserable, but with that last bump I chanced upon the skeleton story.

All I have to say is... Wow. A thriller, fully-formed and ready for the big leagues, right in our midst. Honestly I thought all talent had left this place. Well he probably won't be here for too long I should say.

>>25572189
It reads tender at first than ominous on reread. A third could maybe even make it melancholy if taken as passion turning to cold ash leaving only small tokens behind.
>>25583609
My first thought was Minotaur did not count as a cryptid. Was an enjoyable read.
>>25594216
The seasoning of the bird with glass and blood was nice. The introduction of the babysitter's contrast both in appearance, physically and origins (wanted v unwanted).
Then you get creative in a fun way by having the time shifts. Perhaps overdramatic in the following praise, but Nate having that fester into killing cats into adulthood is some good progression.
>agony jazz
Like what a psychopath. Matched of course by Kat's energy of "playing" with him and cats in general. That Nate grows up to become so similar to his despised creature, while thinking himself above them.
That he still can't escape the physical trauma of the wound and the emotional trauma of Kat is a great final dovetail.
It's simple in terms of stakes, but manages to be creepy all the same. Great job.
>>25594800
Freaky. You mention it's an otherwise normal sized mosquito, but I was reminded of "Land of the Lost" which disturbed me despite being played for laughs. That it's memory is even more unsettling. I will agree the idea of a compass drawn in the snow would have added to the despair as the worry is sucked out him. Maybe more verbage on the sucking, drawing out process would add to the horror but otherwise a minor quibble.
>>25595428
What really stuck out to me was cursing the island as heathens and the sea then taking it back. That hesitation of realizing the Kraken could be considered one of God's creature's as well even if it had killed so many and threatened his own life. Personally, I think the ending would have been stronger had you stopped when the they agree to get on the boat. If only because you start strong does it feel jarring when the modern sounding sentences cut through the historical nature of the perspective.

>>25605002
Haven't seen the movie, thanks for the recommendation.

I was picturing a seraphim who delivers lost souls to heaven. Or perhaps she's a demon from hell. Either way, she froze to death as a human so she tries her best to keep people warm.

>>25583609
"As Theseus lay there his little sword began to stab at what was left to rest next to him. He lay awake peering subtly, periodically, and with a gentle gaze of lust at the bovine buttocks of the Minotaur has he slept on his side next to Theseus. The ass hair was not like his, it was more like a short-haired dog--ordered in one direction, and the skin leathery. Theseus licked his lips as the drool was pooling in his bottom gums. He got up and turned the Minotaur onto his stomach sneakily. Then he unsheathed his Poseidon provided demi-god phallus. Before the pounding could begin the Minotaur shyly blinked his eyes and squirmed in his uncomfortable position, belly on the cold, softened stone bed that he slumbered in for decades. He felt the hands of Theseus sliding up his human body towards his bovine head. (After all, as a Minotaur, one doesn't wear pants. ) The Minotaur groggily came to the realization of what was happening and turned his head to see his invader. His left horn scraping on the stone ground stopping him from fully realizing the eyes he admired just earlier. Theseus grabbed these naughty horns that turned away from him and whispered into the Minotaur's cow ears, "I said I wouldn't kill you. I didn't promise anything else." A sneer filled Theseus' face. The Minotaur whimpered. 'M- m- m- mo- ooooOOOooOO.' Theseus' feet lifted off the ground. But how could this happen? The Minotaur was completely limp with pleasure... The Minotaur, with his massive horse-like cock that Theseus was just ogling moments ago, became erect. It lifted them both off the grown as the musculature provided a force greater than a horse's leg. They started spinning, and Theseus said 'well that just happened.' Their eyes met in the current of events and they fell in love. Theseus, returning the favor, got on his hands and knees....."

I love your story. Can you please provide me your tumblr so I can follow you? It's just like "The Song of Achilles"--one of my faves!!!! How can you write so wonderfully about Greeks? You modernize the story so well!!!

KYS YOU STUPID FAGGOT! THIS STORY IS GAY AS SHIT! Terrible attempt at modernizing mythology and on par with smut written by women. You should be ashamed to call yourself literate. Forget the English language and never speak my tongue. I hope either your little wormy wretch in that mouth of yours becomes warted and unusable.

>>25608039
True, skeleton victory incoming!!!

>>25605025
Number 1!!! I voted your first place.

>>25612879
You're the one who read his story then decided to sit down and write 300 words of florid gay bestiality ¯\(ツ)/¯

>>25599899
"Nooooooo, don't use big words I'm a retarded homunculus nigger."

>>25593133
Skeleton WILL win.

>>25612905
So what? I said I was a fan.

>>25612908
I doubt you're commenting in good faith. But in case you are: I never said NOT to use big words. Instead, use them precisely in places that fit, in situations where the word actually clarifies or adds meaning.

For example, saying a far-off flag is "diaphanous" only confuses the reader. It doesn't make sense that a sheer, thin, see-through piece of fabric can be sighted clearly by the narrator.

"Stecoral" is a fine word... when not used with "entrails." Both words already contain the inherent meaning of feces or shit, similar to your post. The uncommon word choice serves no meaning besides sounding impressive. If he wishes, the author could instead use some other "big" word that adds visual or textural detail to the entrails, like "knurled" or "blotched."

>>25612973
I actually agree that many of the words used were obtuse to what was being described--didn't connect entirely fluidly and were a little square. I was simply making fun of you because I didn't actually read your full critique and thought it was funny. You can't tell me that "The Myth of Theseus" wasn't homoerotic though.

Is it fair to review if you're too stupid to get it? I fear I'll unfairly rate down a lot of anons here, because I'm too stupid/stress to give a good review.

>>25612973
The point of the valid usage of ornate language isn't discussed enough. I have read a decent amount of older literature, enough to know that it using a big word isn't going to rip me off the experience. I'm not sure what techniques they employed to make it work, but I do believe that they have such a control of language/story that they can use the word to enhance the effect, rather than bludgeon their intelligence.

>>25614576
Go ahead and write! A casual reader's perspective is very useful, perhaps even more useful than a careful reader's feedback. You'll point out parts that should be written with more clarity. You'll point out common misunderstandings that an author probably missed because they already have the plot and meaning inside their head.

OP:
When will the results be published?

>>25614576
>unfairly
I would argue the real skill would be in getting someone lowbrow to comment because it the story evoked something in them worth writing a review.

>>25614690
>>25595642
In a few more days
>https://countingdownto.com/?c=7389134
(Hopefully... OP said they'd post the /wibac/ thread days ago and still haven't, so hopefully they're not dead lol. Not sure if the strawpoll results go live automatically or manually)

>>25614576
If you have something to say, I say go for it! I think pretty much any feedback that's constructively expressed is worthwhile. If something's too impenetrable for a reader, that can still be valuable for the writer to hear, whether the take-away is "I should make this clearer" or simply "Okay, that guy's not my audience."

bump

>>25572189
It's good, but I feel some moments were a bit too round a bout.
Specifically
1. "Hallow's Eve Chill": she finds someone and starts seduction with them, but we reverse the chronologically. We go from kissing/hugging, sunset, to meeting him.
2. "The lustrous inferno": there wasn't a pop moment. Like "she started the fire" or even "the fire started" kind of line. Instead, we open with "gives no rest."
Some reversal/importance on the main image would have helped clarify the story for me. Still, good read.
>>25583609
The best way I can describe my feelings for this is that it’s locally consonance, and holistically dissonance. That is to say that on a paragraph-to-paragraph level it’s fine (although I have some nitpicks, we will go there). But on a global, final reflection impact, it leaves some to be desired.
Good: you clearly have a control of language and studied the story well. Solid sunbeams is an epic phrase.
Bad: Pacing dragged on. There were some paragraphs that needed to be split, as well as scene breaks (I had to put them myself for revision.) Some minor nitpicks (“Stay back”: Minotaur actually stayed back. A threat that coincidentally worked. I’m not even upset at the Minotaur staying back, as much as Theseus could have said his threat in dozens of ways, but coincidentally said the one that deescalated. See [1] for more detail. “Moo.” At Theseus thinking Zeus is his dad. Why? The Minotaur is depicted as friendly. He has no reason to not respond to that question with an actual answer, unless he thinks Moo is a real answer. More detail on what happened to the sacrifices is needed: I think the Minotaur eats them, hence him looking at Theseus blood. But the story never went one way or the other on that. Especially the food question: that’s a pretty important detail that’s overlook, but that’s beside the point)

>>25616329
Ugly: there’s two big problems.
Why is Theseus there? I am not being condescending: why is he there? Because we start with him on
>Once he had dealt with the beast (which even now he suspected was a myth) they would make a great business of his return. He would be embraced and examined for injuries, as he had been upon his arrival, after clearing the road to Athens of its pests; only then might his father remember to ask whether the tribute was ended. It was a wonder he had been king so long. He turned towards an adjoining passage
Great, excellent. Then, when the Minotaur was an /ic/fag, does he introspect with this:
>Theseus studied the pictured stairway, then glanced at the Minotaur. Perhaps he wouldn't need the thread after all. Yet, as he stood considering how Minos might receive the news that he had killed the creature, he saw that the king could parade the Athenians—alive after all—before his people, fed and clothed, and demand vengeance upon Athens for his wife's son, as he had so many years ago for his real son. Such generosity and mercy—even if secret—repaid with murder! He would have the Cretans at their oars, with the men of Paros and Andros eager to join them. Pure theater. Nonetheless, Theseus would have to return home with warships at his heels, and perhaps an offended god to appease; one could not be certain what protection a creature of such parentage enjoyed. Better to leave it alive. He'd need its help to get out in any case. He sat down beside the Minotaur.

>>25616329
>>25616330
My problem is that the Minotaur being all right shouldn’t matter. Theseus is an assassin who is using the Minotaur’s death as a trial of manhood. Whether he’s an artist shouldn’t matter. Not only that, but his reasons for going back on it were already present before he step forth. There was always a risk of political trouble, there was always a risk of the Minotaur being a son of the God. The closest thing that makes sense is using the Minotaur to get out, and the thread wasn’t working. But we aren’t explained that it wasn’t working, just that Theseus thinks they won’t help him.
And again, I need to stress this: he knew, the political, divine reality, had a device that was untried that could help him escape. He had a compelling motivation. And only at the end, did it circle back around it. The story tried to hint at this with the “There’s no advantage in it.” Line, but it did so too limply that it didn’t foreshadow it. Besides, I’m not even sure if Theseus didn’t go back on his word and killed the Minotaur anyways.
My second is Theses just isn’t that compelling as a POV. He comes across as a bit dim: didn’t bother to reflect on the consequence of his actions, is scared by the minotaur, and spends the story basically observing him/eating bread. Then, at the end does he actually do something, and it’s ambiguous (besides him being a jerk to the Minotaur’s art). Cutting him, and making the Minotaur would have been much better. Especially since the chief distance in this retelling is the Minotaur, and not anyone else.
[1]
He brought the swordpoint up between them. "Stay there." Stay there? Why would the Minotaur stay? Because he asked nicely? He wasn't prince down in the maze.
"Stay there." It gave Theseus a sense of confidence when he commanded the beast.

File: 1745823710648653.gif (2.27 MB, 360x270)

2.27 MB GIF

>>25616331
>the God
a God*
Fuck me I need to read more Greeks.

bump

>>25595428
Enjoyed your story a lot. The fact that I don't have much to say is indicative that it does what it needs to well. I am especially impressed with how you used ornate language without it coming across as purple. Hell, I thought I was going to hate it, because it looked like it was trying too hard: but I realized my first-impressions was misguided.

>>25572189
So I'm not a poet guy at all so I don't know how helpful my comments may be but I'll repeat what others said—there's a very well done balance between poetry and narrative here. I ultimately like how open to interpretation this is but even reading it carefully I can't exactly say who this lady is. My best guess is that it's a type of perverse tooth fairy ("golden locks streaked with autumn", makes me think of Tinker Bell) tricking humans to get their teeth ("kisses half-way", that's how I read that line, as not a truly genuine kiss but something to simply goad victims into trusting her). But then when it comes to "her partner" I couldn't say who that is referring to. Still, a very creative way to play with the theme and character requirements. Very well done.
>>25583609
This is ultimately a very intriguing retelling of a timeless myth. I had read some time ago Edith Hamilton's Mythology and I went back to check if the drawings where something of the original story I had forgotten but they weren't, so that turned out to be an interesting way to propose how the minotaur might communicate with a human without speech. One thing I am not sure I got too well—which is fine ultimately if it was purposefully meant to be kind of a mystery open to interpretation—is what happened with the tributes? Maybe I missed something but I think it could be hinted at a bit more clearly so it isn't such a mystery, since if the minotaur is a friendly creature then they must've not been killed by him, right? Unless it was all a ruse and he actually did kill them and he told a false story to Theseus? Though I don't think that's what you were going for. If he's being honest, there's an implication that even the tributes themselves knew they were not in danger, being described as giggling and carefree when stepping into the labyrinth. Maybe at first the earliest tributes were afraid but when they realized they weren't in danger the rest knew they had nothing to worry about. This anon >>25596394 also pointed out something which I agree with I don't know how much sense it makes for the minotaur to suggest the plan to Theseus to deliberately keep the black sails to trick his father into thinking he had died so he can commit suicide.

Overall I would still say this was a good story. Well written and a good subversion of the original characters to fit the requirements and themes.
>>25588951
This is one of the /lwc/ stories of all time.

>>25614576
Sure go right ahead, just don't be like this twat:
>>25612879
Not constructive whatsoever!

>>25594800
I'd say the biggest issue with this one is that it doesn't use its main asset to its fullest potential. As >>25606872 says I also find it a missed opportunity to have the protagonist dismiss the warning note so easily. If you've seen the movie Memento, there's a very similar aspect in that story as well (something written down for a protagonist that forgets things) and it's basically the driving force of the entire movie. It would've been more powerful imo to have him take the warning seriously but lose the note, so what hope the reader thought he had is extinguished, making the ending more tragic.
I would mention that the way you portrated forgetfulness here was very well done. It ends up creating a mood of dread that foreshadows the fate of the protagonist.
>>25595171
There is something so hypnotizing and mesmerizing about how this is written. If bran's story is like a gem closely examined, yours is like a rare precious stone no one knows for sure if it exists or not, and only a blurry black and white picture hints towards it. I love how you create compound words hear, they all work and you don't even need a hyphen to give more accurate sense to them—they make perfect sense just like that.
So this story is probably the most up to interpretation here. There's a lot of depth (I'd say the most of all stories) with how to read this.
I'd be very interesting in hearing some of your inspirations for your writing style. From the compound words I'd guess maybe McCarthy? But who else? This is the type of writing that when I read it it makes me think to myself "if I write I would want to write like this". Very well done.
Ultimately my take is that this has to do with drug addiction. The protagonist is (involuntarily?) committed somewhere ("My food arrives in a box lined with cool-frozen reflective silver"). The entities in the story could be described as the temptations to drag him back to heroin. The ending remains a mystery to me. I can't say if it's supposed to be the protagonist finally freeing himself from his temptations or if he's about to relapse. Anyway, I really enjoyed this one.

>>25599895
>>25599899
Hey, thank you for your words. I agree that some things here should've been worded differently or tackled some other way. Some of the language does seem anachronistic and I did give plot armor to Rodrigo just out of a way to convey danger without caring too much for how—ultimately—he manages to walk away unscathed. About the crow's nest, this perhaps could've been from how I wrote it but it's because the ship is sinking, so he's inevitably getting closer and closer to the surface of the ocean until the crow's nest itself gets flooded and he's forced to jump off. The image I had in my is similar to Brody's final confrontation with the shark in Jaws as the ship is slowly sinking and he's forced to climb up the mast.

About the more obscure words, here's my take: it could be out of pretentiousness, I fully recognize that. However, from having read authors that use a hyper-extensive vocabulary (the best example I can think of in English is Cormac McCarthy), what I have come away with is that yes it may be frustrating to read a page and have to look up like five words you've never seen in your life before, and with a guy like him chances are that experience will repeat itself multiple times when reading him (unless you get lazy and decide to just not look up something, which I will do at times, even though it's not ideal). However, I believe that looking up those words and hell maybe even writing them down somewhere which is something I do for some, makes the whole experience so rewarding once you finally finish the book. It makes me think that for being kind of a minimalist he decided when it came to vocabulary he was going to be as maximalist as possible, to offset the sparseness of his punctuation perhaps or simply the barebones nature of so much of what he wrote. And it makes me think to myself that the more words you have control over, the more complete a story you can tell. It makes me want to use all these new words I've learned, ultimately.

In the case of my story, I noticed most of the words you mention are adjectives. It could be that some of them were redundant—I've noticed that in some of my past writing, especially when trying to be highly descriptive, I tend to overuse adjectives. So maybe things like "stercoral" were redundant and I guess maybe "diaphanous" too though for that one I am also trying to convey something that maybe could've been described better but it has to do with how Rodrigo sees the British flag in contrast to the East India Company flag, so that part could've been developed more I guess.

One final thing, I really liked your interpretation of the dream sequence. It wasn't something I had thought of at the time. And in general, thank for taking the time for everthing you wrote, I appreciate it.

Voted

>>25594216
I just realized I forgot to post what I wrote about your story. Oops. I had written something but the comment was too long so I was going to make another post for it but I forget to write it down.
Basically I really like how this is written, down to the sentence level. Your writing is quite beautiful, from the three stories of yours I've read this is something that repeats itself every time so very well done on that.
Also very well done on developing the theme of predator and prey. The way it's slowly revealed what Kat truly is is done masterfully, creating an atmosphere of dread for what's to come. The main issue is that the cryptid element was tacked onto the story somewhat haphazardly. I tried to think of Kat as symbolizing a cryptid but I don't think that reading works that much—we all know how adults behaving like predators with children is unfortunately all too real.
What's interesting is that as you yourself say this story also works very well at conveying unexamined trauma so if that had been the theme requirement it would've worked perhaps even better then. I disagree with what mandrake said about Nate turning into a new "Kat" or something similar to her, at the end I think he's a pretty sympathetic character and showing how the trauma of his experience remains below the surface but still impactful is a great source to create that sympathy. Very well done here, really enjoyed this one.

>>25614576
Personally, I only like replying to the bad stories.

>>25614576
I'm down voting based on vibes and how hard the person tried.

>>25567123
King Kong is a cryptid.

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>>25614996
>so hopefully they're not dead lol.
It’s funny you say that because I actually hit a deer on the highway Saturday.
I’m alright but it was pretty overwhelming to say the least especially on top of the bad time I was going through earlier >>25593868.
Life truly imitates art: About a year ago I wrote a character, Fliss, who hit a deer in an /lwc/ story.
Anyway I’ve been unplugged for, like, 5 days, (and I’m sorry to say but my feedback’s going to be lacking or nonexistent this month) but that’s no excuse for not posting the /wibac/ when I was supposed to.
Better late than never:

>/wibac/ Oct 2026
>>25619526
This is an engraving of a painting that no longer exists?
The OP image is slightly different than the one on Wikicommons because I cropped it from the source book itself:
https://archive.org/details/gri_33125015065655/page/n63/mode/2up
I’m unhappy there wasn’t a more crystal-clear scan available online, which I always strive for with /wibac/, but flaws aren’t laws and I’m more crooked than cop.

>>25588951
I’ve had pic related bookmarked since February, so I like to think I manifested your writing this submission.

bump

Voted

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>>25622614 >>25623962

I was rangebanned for some reason so I wasn't able to post any of my crit. Feel free to disqualify me (I'm >>25583609) if I'm too late, but I wanted to post the crits anyway.

>>25622611
What did you think about my skeleton story?

>>25622614
That I hope to one day have again as much free time as you do.

>>25622619
Ok well vote for me then

>>25622801
So you are too scared to attempt to critique the skeleton story, just in case you look stupid. All you can do is pick away at failed pretense. Sad philistine.

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Easily the best story this month, definitely one of my all time favorites of this competition. Rich and developed in theme. Excellent imagery. My only complaint was the occasional lapse in the point of view which broke immersion, but otherwise very strong work.

Oh, and I voted.

>>25622949
For the skeleton story i hope

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>>25624178

Congrats to je ne sais for a decisive win!

~/lwc/ Oct 2026 Top 3~
>1st Diabolus Ponti — je ne sais !9TLyaBkQRA
>2nd Trick or Treat — mandrake !vEOgiBXFGg
>3rd The Cat Lady — Bran !SzEUY8OZKQ

~Shy of the Podium~
>4th Bigfoot was shooting dope with the angel in my attic — bf !5kuiMAFVxQ
>5th “I was walking thru the woods” — Roy
>6th The Myth of Theseus — !9HyhcY5dDQ
>7th Recursive — Ha'ad !hRKzjuYk9Q

To see who voted what, go here and scroll down:
https://strawpoll.com/YVyPvGW4ogN/results

What can I say that you all haven’t demonstrated yourselves? The range of stories, the 10/10 critiques—and I can’t believe the thread’s survived the whole 4 weeks.
Tis the season of skeletons & ghosts, but /lwc/ is very much alive.
Wishing everyone a Happy Halloween.

>[countdown to /lwc/ Nov 2026]
https://countingdownto.com/w4/display/countdown-to-lwc-nov-2026-cwjs

>/wibac/ Oct 2026
>>25619526

>>25622949
Your story was gay. I hope you know that.

>>25622611
At least the skeleton story beat your homo story. Faggot!

>>25623794
Glad you anons liked this one! I had a lot of fun writing it.

An arthritic pirates of the caribbean rewrite by someone with absolutely no experience or knowledge of seafaring is this month's winner. Wow.

The skeleton story was the clear winner. He was the only one to actually write from the heart. The rest of you were just larping.

>>25624507
I wrote from the heart too
just not the from skeleton.
which, at this time of year, was a mistake.