So I've been on hrt since I was 17 (23 now), although it was completely botched back then and it wasn't until I was 20 iirc or so that I got up to a good dose. Currently on 0.2ml valerate weekly, my E levels in last blood test were >180 with my T levels being barely detectable. I've been on and off progesterone since I was 18 I think and have been on 200mg P oral for almost a year now.I got really fantastic hip bone growth, which is a fantastic consolidation trophy if it came from the slowly ramping dose for all the depression from low T + low E for years, as well as what I want to talk about here:I'm worried the goofing around trying to slowly get the levels up as well as the pediatric gender health clinic being beyond stupid may have permanently ruined my chances at having breasts. They've been stuck at tiny conetit status for years without any improvement, although they still go through phases of aching occasionally. I used to be excited for them but now that it's looking like this is permanently their state, I'm really growing to fucking hate looking at them. They look absolutely fucking hideous. The women in my family tend to be decent to large chested so I don't really buy this is genetically "how it's supposed to be." It's especially rough having to imagine undressing in front of a partner, if I ever even get that chance being 6'2" with 17" shoulders (if I'm measuring correctly), even with my luckshit face. My questionable dating prospects are something else I could get into but I digress.I feel really avoidant of getting a BA for several reasons, one of which being psychological. It feels like giving up and it would be depressing to accept that they're 90% petroleum product jelly in 2 petroleum product bags rather than my actual breast tissue. Also, I'm several years away from even being able to get any surgery rn anyways.Is there anything I can reasonably do or is this really the credits roll for my transition besides SRS? Need hopium or copium.
>>45177701the women in my family stay flat as hell from 13-17 then go through a massive growth spurt in the span of a few months. possible a similar thing happens with yours?
For reference as well, I guess I could use some FFS touchups on my jaw. My voice passes really well I think but it could sound "nicer" and more feminine rather than "tomboy"/boy barely starting puberty, at least to myself when I listen to recordings (maybe I'm overanalyzing) so I guess those are a couple things.I don't find myself in many situations where people gender me so I can judge how well I actually pass and how much people are pitying me, but people specifically avoid gendering me way too often for me to be super comfortable with where I've ended up.
>>45177736Maybe, maybe... one can only hope.To overanalyze, that's 4 years, so I'm rapidly approaching the deadline by that standard for the time I've been at cis E levels.
>>45177736same with women in my family, flat from 13-20 and then in their 20's they went through basically another puberty
>>451777016’ Does not pass
>>45177838Unironically if I'm a permahon now, how do I live? Like how do hons even go about their lives? How do I live my whole life with the shame? Knowing people laugh behind my back? How do I deal with loneliness if dating is off the table? I've always put these questions off (I don't really interact with this or any site much) and never fully grappled with these thoughts before.
>>45178261Post body, lets see what we’re working with here.
>>45178451Ok here it is. Tried to take in the most passable fit I currently own (although I'm no good at shopping which isn't easy at my size but I do have a couple other tops that look about the same in terms of being flattering to my physique), at a semi-relaxed but upright posture stance. The face censor hugs my jawline pretty well and isn't super overextended or anything. Idk where the mild piss tint filter came in between my phone and my laptop.I feel like I'm going crazy about my shoulders though, like they look way better on camera or way worse irl. Maybe it *is* a little bit of BDD? I don't want to commit to thinking that tho. I tried taking one at eye level too but it actually looked more flattering and was a little hard to tell with my arm in the way.Oh and in case you mention it, I have been trying to gain weight starting last week. My waist is a little thinner on the sides than the top shows but my thighs could definitely use some meat on them.
