I'm a semi passing trans lesbian. I am so wildly sexually repressed its insane. I can't look at other women, I can't appreciate other women, I can't love other women. I literally avert my eyes sometimes. My libido is like an enemy to me. I'm not asexual, but I'm sex repulsed for sure. I can't imagine having sex with my body.Thing is, I feel almost proud of it. I feel clean. My dick is so locked down, so nonexistent in my life, so absent from my psychosocial profile, it's like it's not even there. Desire is this intangible thing that exists around me like a mist, but I can't reach out and grasp it for myself. Girls have wanted me sexually both pre and post transition, but every time, I find a way to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. The clothes never come off. And somehow, that makes me feel better. I enjoy denying this body its biological purpose, it makes me feel like the soul is triumphing over the body. I cry a lot. I long for someone to find me and love me romantically. I wish this phantom desire would vanish, but while it exists, I am almost... proud of being sexually repressed. Like I'm beating nature itself.
go out into the world and slay, girl. you only live once. you know it's in your nature to be sexual, but you're too afraid to live the one life you've got! that's horribly sad, there's no reason to be proud of that. do you want to spend the next 2,3,4,5 decades alone because you were too much of a coward to face your fears and settled for a truth that isn't your own?
>>45175635It's in my body's nature to be sexual. My instincts just follow suit. Sex would be between her and my body. I'm like a soul that's been uploaded into a robot that has programming contrary to my own wants.
>>45175685you have to make your id and your superego happy with one another. keep the beast fed and the ghost fulfilled
>>45175725fuck the id its an animal
>>45175787you're an animal toobecause you're trans you're just experiencing dissociation. you have to come to terms with the body that you're in, no matter how difficult it can be. that's the whole point of this transitioning thing. let the defenses go to the side, you don't need to be afraid of anything.
>>45175600im in a similar position to youexcept ive never dated and yet im married to my beautiful soulmate sister wife in near blood curdling mutual limerence; we met thru this board in jan2024i was 90% asexual at the time; due to the trauma (not at all sexual related) of my previous heartbreak that almost killed mein my old life i had very dreadfully high libido at times yet ive been an agoraphobic shut in neet my entire adult life; only ever had 1 job for 10moi did lose V in a meaningless threesome w/ a rather unattractive sys girl when i was 26 or so; but that was iti did have some lewd things with my 2 irl exes before my wife but it was minimal and before long stopped altogetheri am pure; i want to stay pure always; i exist to love not to chase lust; i hated my urges in my old life before hrtmy wife has made me feel comfy enough to drop the asexual label now but it still kinda partly applies; it is usually her to initiate anything and it is usually not alot and only a couple periods of our 3y together has it been more frequencyi want to make her feel as nice as i can whenever she is in the mood but ultimately nearly every lewd act and position carries risk of significant injury to me; and even just lewding myself- even with the aid of a toy of any kind; almost always injures my wrists and elbows; every joint in my body is badly damaged and poorly functioning; im pretty sure i have eds but its undiagnosed; most of the damage was self inflicted unwittingly thtu self harm in 2022 over my previous heartbreak; high doses of edibles made my limbs tingle; i was in lala land not realized i was constantly twisting/stretching/snapping/popping nearly every joint and tendon i have; probably most of the ligaments in my ankles are ruptured;hip labrums probably torn or worn; many bursae ruptured; even catrilage in wrists crushedi can barely walk; also spine fractured/deformed; need opioids 24/7 the past 12yi just want to love deeply w/ my heart & emotions
Basically you are fighting the memories of cruel words. Get out of your head.
I'm also extremely repressed, my libido is really high and I constantly daydream about being touched or kissed. there is no release because I can't touch myself so I'm just wildly horny all the time. I try to drink to get rid of it and sometimes it helps but sometimes it makes it worse and I just lay on my bed and writhe around until it goes away. I wish I was never cursed with a sexuality.
>The clothes never come off. And somehow, that makes me feel better. I enjoy denying this body its biological purpose, it makes me feel like the soul is triumphing over the body.im going volcel right now what a beautiful sentiment
>>45175600Such is the fate of being born in a male body.The original sin.The T-poison leaves hormonal scarring. The male sex is predation, instincts of rape.Never play with the fire of lust, or else, your weapon of rape, the very penis, will destroy you and people around you.
>>45175833I'm not an animal I'm a human being that can act independently of animal instinct. I can minimize the amount I have to interact with my body like that. I can be independent of my body's urges.>>45178226Exactly. I was born with a weapon imbued in my flesh. My best option is to never let it be acknowledged. Its like it doesn't exist. I don't dare interact with it ever.
Oh my God, I get it. I'm the same fucking way. I felt so fucking seen reading this. Thank you.
>>45178226>>45179644Female chauvinist rhetoric and its consequences have been a disaster for trans women's psyches
