>If you think you know anon, but don't have decisive evidence, no, you probably don't.>We are all grieving in our own way. Please respect how people process their emotions.>Nobody here is your psychiatrist, therapist, doctor, or lawyer.
>>45173902bumper sticker
>>45173902I donated blood today and they had to switch arms because my left side wasn’t flowing properly. Also the left side that the nice lady nurse did hurt more, and the right side that the cold guy nurse did hurt less.Also realizing that my family’s unacceptance of me is based on much deeper issues that they showed across our lives, like my parents feigning unawareness about my brother physically attacking me despite having directly witnessed it multiple times. I’m only in a position to process that now that I’m away from themAlso also my attempt to reject a boy turned into a date because I couldn’t muster the strength to do so
I don't know how to get past the psychological wall of fear surrounding suicide and actually commit to it. There will never be any solution to my life and I will always be an ugly moid fag. Actually having to act in order to kms is harder than I imagined. I can't even do that properly. There is nothing and there never will be anything good or enjoyable in my life. I never knew I actually had to be okay with the absolutely filthy human and body that I am. When I was a kid, it never entered my mind that I will be stuck being this shit aloof person. For the past few years, I hoped something would miraculously change, but I only get older and uglier and the few friends I had no longer want to talk to me. Good riddance on their part, I am fucking repulsive. This life is rancid and I only need to gather the courage to throw myself off a building, but I somehow need to make it inconspicuous enough and hopefully without traumatizing others.
>>45173902is it weird that I feel pride now that I've gotten my first real wave of hate being a tripfag?it wasn't even here, I just, idk, I feel accomplished. I kinda look forward to when people have actual fodder that can dig under my skin
listenthey love and cares about youif you die they will be devastatedone of them has said to your face that he has decided it his personal duty to fix youso why do you still think they'd be better off without youwhy do you still think it's okay not to try to get betterasshole
I miss her. I realize what an asshole I could be in the past. I know I’m better than some people but I need to get my life in order and off opioids, they’re destroying my body and my life. Right now the only thing holding me together is school, and next year I have some stuff that requires me to be very physically fit. I wanted to take this Christmas to get off drugs. My plan was to take 10 days to go through the worst of the withdrawals with phenibut to at least try and get some sleep during the ordeal. I went through it last year before deployment but the PAWS was awful. But now my mom wants me to come back home for Christmas, and not only will I need to mail some stuff to myself over there and hope and pray it’ll get there fine, but that takes away my break from school to get off this junk. I miss when she used to be my little ambitious girl and keep me on the straight and narrow, and I miss the cute little long haired twink that invited me over to his house when his dad wasn’t home, and who clearly loved me, but I was too much of a self loathing loser faggot to make him my boyfriend. I miss going out to the eastern shore with my boyfriend and laying on the beach.
>>45174246Im not suicidal but nah my parents would be but I’ve pushed everyone else away. I’m 30 years old and ugly. I wasted my youth being a cripple and an addict and a zogbot, I am trash. I abandoned everyone for my ex wife and then abandoned her. I have so many things in my life I didn’t get to do (prom, go snowboarding and skiing, a Halloween costume party) and it feels like it’s over. I can’t even get physically fit again, I fumbled that too, along with mad bitches and twinks. It’s over, if this next ten years doesn’t pan out I’m done, 40 isn’t even that bad especially if you were never really meant to live that long anyway
>>45174310>I can’t even get physically fit againwdym? you can always get fit. but yeah unless you stay fit your appearance will go to shit in middle age, so gl with that. you can always turn things aroundt. depressed hypocrite
What are you supposed to do when you know you'll never heal? When you know that what would let you heal will never happen?
>>45173902both my roommates treat me differently because of my birth sex yet stay adamant they support my gender, really does suck, any they react to anything other than the binary trans like it’s lunacy, basically insulted my sibling when I was discussing them because they didn’t grasp genderfluid and just said “that’s just mental illness” like no, not all of us are transsexuals, I may be but my younger sibling is not, he only changes his gender presentation, not his sexual characteristics, why does their level of understanding matter as to whether somethings okay, it’s such a childishly stupid mindset, even if it makes no sense to you why gaf ? you’ll never have to meet them, the pronouns you use won’t ever matter, its such a nothing problem
>>45174329What will let you heal?
>>45174320Yeah but I’m still an alcoholic . I run and go to school but I need to get back to lifting, also it won’t fix my face and deeply set, crag-like jowls, nor my awful bags under my eyes. I look close to 40 rn and I’m only 30, and for years I looked like a teenager. It happened overnight and makes me feel I’ll never find someone. I just want another shot at being married. Sorry to blog post
you're probably sleeping with someone new already while I'm fantasizing about you asking to come over like anything would be different
I need to figure out how to meet people locally. I'm so socially inept that I don't even know where to go to meet people or how to even approach them once I'm there. Went to a fighting game tournament last year and that went well, but I don't even know how to keep up with when those occur. I just need irl friends or to like date or something because I mostly just exist as words on a screen for most of the friends I have now and it's agonizing
>>45174310What kind of zogbot?
>>45174417>apologizing for blogposting in blogpostgenyeah... that's rough. but if you do it and keep at it you'll be mogging everyone your age in no time, I'm sure of it
Messed up at work yesterday and worried myself sick over it, barely slept. Came in today and it turns out to not be a big deal. Hate that I'm like this.
Seeing myself slowly transform from someone who was young and fem enough to pass to a hopeless john 50 type with my own eyes is utterly depressing. I’ve been feeling this way for over 11 years, ever since i was thirteen, i know what the solution is, but i just can’t go through with it. So i’m stuck repping. All so i don’t alienate my family, most of whom i don’t even like. I’d kill myself but i’m too afraid of hell. Growing up muslim was the worst thing that could have happened to me. I’m 24 now, despite habitually drinking and smoking for a year and half or 2 years i still have some of that fem appearance left. If i locked in, got on hrt, did proper skincare and got into shape i could atleast become a twinkhon, which is better than just withering away. I won’t though. I’ll stay the way i am, all so i can stick around the most morally degenerate self-righteous assholes, because for some reason i have a psychological block that makes me think i can’t leave, even though i can.
>>45174796What stops you from getting in your car and driving far away, and coming back years later as the woman you’ve always known you were?
>>45174811Believe me i’ve thought about it, but for some reason i feel like i can’t. Like i’m a child missing curfew or something. My mom has been very controlling to me my entire life, to the point where i can’t even leave the house after dark without her complaining about how i’ll give her a heart attack one day. So just leaving outright while easy is tough when you consider how neurotic i am when it comes to keeping her happy. Plus idk my nieces and nephews like me for some reason and would be sad if i just up and left, and i worry what might happen if i just leave them without any support with the family that fucked me up so badly.
>>45174796call a friend up, tell them your situation and get them to force you to fix yourself. if you don't have one get one. make a frengen or something. do whatever you need to, just don't let this happen
>>45173902I can't find the way to make myself appealing to the general public, is like there's something about me that just clocks me as a freak not worth paying attention to, my art is mediocre and I have no skills worth paying a cent to, I just don't know what to do, I'm 26 and don't feel in touch with my peers at all, I get bullied everywhere I go and even the one online friend I got seems to be getting bored of me.I don't know.
I feel so goddamn lonely lolMy horrible horrible disgusting ex got me completely hooked on gay affection and I'm dying without it
a whole day has passed since my former friend's university called a welfare check, i had a mutual friend message her on discord and she didn't reply to it (of course) but has been online constantly and even switched to mobile apparently so she's alive (of course). i feel like i've fulfilled my duty of at least making sure she didn't kill herself but i knew that already anyway, i just couldn't reply to her uni being like "nona would never kill herself because she's too self-absorbed and obsessed with herself so don't worry". the uni still refuse to say what triggered the welfare check but i'm guessing she either threatened suicide while having no intention of doing it again (second time this year!) or got high every day and missed like a week or two of classes and the uni has a duty of care since she's known to student wellbeing so i had to spend a day dealing with this during my one week off work in four fucking months while the person i'm doing it for gets more money from the government and her parents just for existing than i get from my full-time job ahahaha what a joke.>(You)s in 3...
I feel like my bf is losing his interest in me
No reason to even read these posts anymore. Where did all the relatable people with real problems go?
>>45174582i empathise and wish i had more to add but we're both fucked the same way
why did you have to say anything? why pretend there was any hope? I was doing better now I'm back to waking up sobbing because I miss you so badly
>>45176768Sorry, what would be relatable to you so I can restructure my life to have your same issues, nona?
>>45174246It's not that I think they'd be better off without me, it's that I think I would be better off dead, and one of the few reasons I have for staying alive and continuing to suffer is the knowledge that choosing what's best for me, oblivion, is going to harm others.
>>45174597Army>>45174713I do this as well, hang in there anon I’m sure they know you are competent
i care too much about people i barely talk to. if i get blocked by someone i knew online it always hurts so much, even after going through it many times. i usually pull away at first now to avoid it, but it still happens every now and then. i take long times to respond because i really dont want to mess up and get abandoned in response. i wonder if others i talk to are like this or they really just dont care and are free.
>>45176768>Muh real problemsYour problems are trivial and I can say so because you said it first
>>45178061dayum
I'm getting tired of spending every single holiday alone it's been like this since like 2020
none of this is fun anymore. i only feel joy when i'm clueless but I always fool myself into looking in the mirror i can do my makeup for about two minutes before looking at myself and wiping it all off and fully man moding againAnd its so fun in that two minutes I wish I could feel like that about it but all the time. I wish i could like my clothes and like anythimg about myself but i'm a walking monster most sensible people including trannies want dead or at least put away
>>45178948Same I posted a thread the other day crying about never having been to a Halloween party. I spent Christmas with my ex wife multiple times and have had a few thanksgivings with friends and family but other than that it’s drinking alone and playing Rome total war I
Fucking hell man. I checked his reposts like a naive idiot. I don't know if I was hoping to find remorse or what, I just found him tagging someone new under some romantic shit. It sent me into a spiral so I went for a walk. I genuinely mean nothing to him and I haven't for god knows how long. He just left me in the dust and he feels no remorse. I have nothing to bargain for anymore.
>>45178948go to a club, they're literally only fun on halloween and literally no other time
>>45178961i don't know what you look like or what your makeup skills are (it's defo hard and requires years of practice), but i can definitely guarantee you that no self-respecting tranny wants you dead. in fact, the more clocked-up hons who exist, the better off we all are. hons together strong :']
>>45179497I take my role as an extremely visible trans woman to be both a mentor and a positive face of the community deadly seriously. You'll never see me being publicly cringe (aside from the innate cringe of being a honmoder), putting in less than maximum effort, or letting my sisters be abused in public.
>>45174310lynx post
I need to make $2250 next month to cover my current debt of $750 but I can barely make $1500 and I can't bear the thought of whoring out, streaming, or doing anything else to make money on the side.I hate it, I make art, People call me cute, fucks sake one guy pays just to listen to me talk but I stopped doing it because it was eating me up inside. I can't do this, I hate this, I hate living like this.
I want her back
>>45181918We all want her back anonThat’s why we’re here >>45180619?
>go out>get shitfaced>talk everyone’s ear off>they love me we’re making plans we’re hitting it off>go home in the morning>work in two hours>still drunk>fuck it might as well stay up>text everyone in my phone>no answers because they're all asleep>sober up at work>feel like shit, look like shit, everyone comments on it>become super anxious that everyone secretly dislikes me or worse just doesn’t think of me at all>work 12 hours>go home>lay down in the dark and rot>”next time I’m not even gonna go out I don’t even like this”every fucking week with this nonsense. i literally refuse to learn. i really need to quit drinking because im a little bitch who cant just moderate like a normal person. i care so much about what other people think of me and they literally do not think of me at all. i build up these people in my head like a freak because i can’t just be normal and treat people normally and it’s so embarrassing. im literally obsessing over people who would not notice if they never saw me again. what are we even doing what’s the point jesus christ
I'll never forgive myself for not seeing the obvious, persistent, signs I was trans, recognizing that I probably was, but actively trying to suppress it my whole puberty. Then I let it finish and now I'm cooked. oh well.
>>45182241Yeah I’m the same way, it’s a tough thing to admit to yourself that you can’t handle alcohol like other people seemingly can
>>45182126all of you? so she's a whore?
>>45182330male puberty never really ends
>>45182382She typically is yes
>>45182382I am 100% a slut, sorry
im so emotional today
I really cant do it for much longer im not even human or anything I just suffer for others to see me stay
i dont feel as if i have anyone to talk to about my interests or my problems. i really feel completely alone in life and its weighing on me particularly strongly today
>>45183489me too, im sorryyou can talk to me
