I don't know how this isn't apparent just from reading your own writing but you have a mental illness and should seek therapy.
This is medical advice.

>>45170268
Do you know how many guys (and with lesbians it’s even more so) love big girls?

>>45170268
I'm in the same boat right now honestly. I've been getting really anxious because of the way the health impacts and death risk scale with time. but skinny is a primary identifiable feature that people have for me at this point, and I've got the same worry about whether or not I'll be attractive anymore, too. it's really awful stuff.

I'm sorry to hear you're going through similar, hopefully it helps to know you aren't alone, I wish I had more to offer than that but I know that if I hear one more "just eat peanut butter 4head" I'll crash out, so I won't subject you to anything like that.

I feel like OP is probably aware that they're not well, I'd be surprised if they weren't

>>45170319
1. I don't want to ever be big. I don't want to be fat. I'm not a delusional anorexic so I know what fat actually is. I am talking about if I was at a normal unremarkable weight.
2. Surely less people find bigger girls attractive than skinnier girls. I don't mean to denigrate them but everyone can admit that.
>>45170330
The fear is just too strong. I count calories all the time and can't even get surplus most of the time. I feel like I'm one bad decision away from being obese

>>45170268
you wil get a male chubbyfat belly and arms
there will be some on thighs but not much and face is pure RNG

>>45170268
theres literally a 200 post thread directly above you about being into fat tranny bitches. you are going to make it. eat more than one meal a day. please.

also honestly the only people into really underweight people are cryptopedos

>>45170367
My BMI is 16 right now. I am talking about a normal range BMI like 18.5-20.
>>45170374
I feel like those threads are some kind of psyop by a dedicated group of feeders but I see your point.
>also honestly the only people into really underweight people are cryptopedos
I don't know about that, seems severe

>>45170357
>>45170398
you are still a delusional anorexic if you think remaining underweight will keep you or make you more attractive, most normal people will mock you and tell you to get fatter or kill yourself which are the 2 major outcomes for all anorexics

>>45170357
to point 2. what's attractive is subjective and what we believe other people find attractive is based off of what we're most frequently exposed to in high social positions. and since GLP-1 promotion and popular celebrities being skinny as fuck again, it's super understandable to have your view skewed. different people are attracted to different things but your standard "girl that's just a little big" definitely gets plenty of attention

but as the other anon that's struggling, yeah. no like I totally get it, but that fear at least is definitely an irrational extension of everything else, and it's definitely important that you at least try to eat enough to maintain your health. it isn't easy and you won't be 100% all the time, but you said it yourself in the OP. just try your best for the sake of your health and whatever comes next, comes next

>>45170268
I gotta gain weight but whenever i start trying to my stomach gets bigger before anything else and it makes me wanna kms, I know its just because i dont eat much but god I cannot stand when it isn’t flat 24/7

>>45170398
yeah bmi 18.5-20 is honestly what we really SHOULD be at though, unfortunately. and realistically we're definitely cuter at that weight, even if our brains scream otherwise

>>45170435
I don't look anorexic though. I've been anorexic my whole life so I think I've adapted to it. I'm a tranny too, it's different than how cis women are expected to have big asses and tits and get told to eat a burger.
>>45170456
I'm trying anon thank you
>>45170465
I got my weight up to 18.5 bmi before, and it felt like my stomach was all that changed, and that it hung over the waistband of my underwear more. I got so scared that I starved myself and lost it all and now I've cratered back to 16 even though I'd rather at least be 17-18.
>>45170471
I mean I find a BMI around 20 to be the most attractive on other people, but I also like people who are naturally more beautiful than me

>>45170465
when you're first putting the weight back on after a long time not having it your body just pads your stomach at first to deposit it so that it's There, but it redistributes. it's terrible but it is what it is and it's just a part of how your body deals with putting weight back on like that

>>45170493
reiterating what i said to the other anon for you here
>>45170510

just keep trying and try to stick with it, the changes are unpleasant at first but you have to give your body time to settle. it's doing fucked up crazy biology things in the background to put stuff where it goes, it just takes time.

>>45170529
I genuinely didn't know that, thanks anon. Where can I read about this?

>>45170493
been stuck at a 14 for most of my life, 120~ at 6’2”, finally gaining weight as I’ve lost height though so I’m like 138~ at 6’1”

>>45170510
it suxxxx, when im not so broke and actually go to a store instead of a gas station ill get myself a proper amnt of food, just never convenient and I struggle to buy health food in store, I can only really consider my health when im intending to eat something right then

>>45170619
You lose height? I'm around 6'1 right now

>>45170493
>I don't look anorexic though
that's what every single anorexic delusionally thinks while looking like skin and bone, you probably won't believe that it could apply to you though which is to be expected
>i'm a tranny
apply to yourself the same judgements that are to be applied to women, this might be harsh but delusional underweight trannies are so common that it's kind of clocky on its own, though even cis women look honnish when underweight. also if your bone structure isn't very lucky it'd be better to account for it through gaining some weight, especially if you're on estrogen. women have naturally higher body fat either way so it would absolutely be more in favor of helping you pass. if you want to also stay fit, do lower body exercises only like the majority of women do if you can afford eating in a bigger surplus.
>my stomach was all that changed
for this one if it's related to dysphoria i can't really blame you, but always remember that lower body fat while being underweight will also lower your estrogen and not just testosterone. also always remember that regardless of anorexic cope your options are either slowly digging your hole deeper and dying or getting your shit together and recovering.
sorry if you've heard all this before and it's useless blabber but i wish you luck regardless

>>45170555
idk where to find more about it but you should be able to find info if you look into weight distribution during refeeding (not refeeding syndrome or anything, just some of the info about the way refeeding works over time). I might have a paper I can link somewhere in my folders on my laptop, but I can't look right now

>>45170268
being skinny is not an attractive feature
if your bones of your frame are good then you will look good underweight normal weight and overweight

frame and fat distribution is all that matters in that order

>>45171046
>if you want to also stay fit, do lower body exercises only like the majority of women do if you can afford eating in a bigger surplus.
I did core excercises for a while, I'm scared of getting muscular in a moid way though. And I can't imagine what I'd look like so it's scary.
What you say is helpful for me, I think. It makes me feel bad and hopeless but at the same time that's because it's the truth, and I feel bad because I will have to make a hard decision. Likewise, I hope I don't come across as delusional or sealioning to have someone put all the pieces of my psyche together for me.
>>45171082
Thanks, I'll look into it

>>45170357
I mean you seem mildly anorexic.
>and honestly yes more people prefer fat girls over heroin chicks these days at least out of people in their 20s

>>45171233
yeah I'm an anorexic, but I just wanted to agree with you and say you're right about both to emphasize it to OP.

>>45170398
Most of the girls on that thread (both the girls who want to get fat and the girls who are encouraging it, cis and trans) are former anorexics or grew up around anorexics. They’re closer to you than you’d think

>>45171233
I'm very tall and twinkhonish. You get why heroin chic seems to be a more realistic niche for me, at least, right?

>>45171258
I don't want to turn my eating disorder into another eating disorder where I fetishize being overweight. If you're talking about the feeder threads, that is. Not the weight cycling threads

>>45171268
Do you know how many lesbians would love to put some meat on your bones and nurture you because they used to be anorexic and recovering from that gave them a major feeder kink?

>>45171274
All I’m arguing against is the “anorexics and feeders/feedees are complete opposites stance.”

The psychological profile is almost identical and a huge chunk of the latter used to be the former.

>>45171287
They always talk about getting their gf's fatter and fatter beyond healthy range and it disgusts me beyond belief, to be honest.
>>45171299
That's true in the sense that they're both disordered, black-and-white relationships with weight from mentally ill people

>>45170644
an inch from hrt but a friend of mine went from 5’11” to 5’9”

>>45171456
Wtf? I wonder if I was taller before...

>>45171122
you sound self-aware and that's good, i believe in you and you should believe in yourself too
>>45171299
im not a feedee nor mtf, but i can say from experience that it is easy to slip from one delusion into the other. i used to be bordering on underweight and restricting hard enough to wake up every day with my vision fucked and feeling like i would pass out before i could get to the bathroom and get back to have my breakfast. i very quickly went from that to working out while bingeing on a bag or half of pistachios and peanuts every few days if not daily because i delusionally convinced myself that if im not successfully bulking from it, then i'm probably digesting all the fat poorly hence the diarrhea. it was generally fine while i was still working out but i eventually got too lethargic and suicidal to give a fuck and kept delusionally eating the same shit and horrid volumes of nuts. i'm now somewhere around bmi 21 according to my latest checkup at the doctor's and very skinnyfat and miserable. also far from being mentally healthy because my only reason for staying alive now is mostly just to cut and get fit again. i may be a femrepper trying to cope by masculinizing myself through fitness so my situation may be a bit different, but regardless the goal should always be doing what's actually healthy instead of whatever cope your eating disorder makes you come up with. sure i don't really practice what i preach at the moment because repping just makes you want to kill yourself, but reppers shoudn't be your role model anyway

>>45171550
How do I stop from being skinnyfat if I'm trying to gain weight do I just have to tank it until I'm a healthy BMI and then cut down while still maintaining a healthy weight

>>45171550
I kind of forgot that this shit fucks with your vision here I've just been wondering why my shit's blurry half the time. I'll second you about the "phases" of disordered eating though (I had a brief stint at the tail end of my repping trying to Get Fit lol) and even now the best I can really do is embrace the periods that are at least somewhat normal to try to take care of myself as best I can before things go to shit again.

Not to sound doomer-y because it isn't intended that way, it's more just a fact of how things go, but a lot of people with eating disorders are kind of "in recovery" for the rest of their lives, and you'll go through both periods of normalcy and times when you struggle, but that's just a part of the process. what's more important is a willingness to keep trying to take care of yourself when you're able, in spite of it all.

you only lose when you give up. (or die ig but ykwim)

>>45171602
exercise and consistency in a diet with higher protein and at maintenance calories desu (little higher / little lower some days is okay, mostly wanted to set the minimum)

>>45171602
>>45171650
what anon above said, and if you're trying to gain weight, do the glute, leg or whatever exercises women do to make sure it especially goes to your hips and thighs. you can never spot reduce but you can prioritize certain muscles when bulking so make sure to use it to your advantage. for protein i believe 1.6 grams per kg of body weight was the minimum. if you feel low on energy and lethargic, check your carb intake. carbs are great and never let ketoschizos on /fit/ convince you that they're the devil
>>45171639
i agree with this wholeheartedly